Barrier
by im.drowning.in.feels
Summary: Natasha gets kidnapped and there is nothing the Avengers can do about it. My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

Clint was walking around the Avengers Tower searching for Natasha. She was supposed to be home today and she was _never_ late. He checked all of the rooms that she would hide (if you could call it that) in. They were all empty but he knew that just glancing wasn't an option when looking for Nat. He peered into all the nooks and crannies that she was able to fit into, which was most of them. His eyebrows furrowed as he wondered where she could be. He had asked the others beforehand and they all had no clue, he had called her phone but there was no answer. He was starting to get worried now. "Where could she be?" he muttered to himself before turning round and heading back to his room in defeat. He paused and one more thought occurred to him as he prepared to give up. _Her room._

Weirdly enough, he had never actually been in her room before. They had gotten together before the New York attack, and when Tony asked all of them to move into the new, renamed Avengers Tower, it wasn't a surprise that they were sharing a room. He arrived at her room, and carefully picked the lock. He felt bad, but he needed to know what had happened to Tasha. The door opened with a slight creak and he was generally taken aback at what he saw.

There was stuff everywhere, mainly bottles of alcohol, rubbish and old clothes. This was nothing like the Natasha he knew, she was always so organised and well-prepared that he almost thought he was in the wrong place. _This must be where she goes when she gets low._ Sometimes, she would disappear for weeks on end because of a mission that didn't go to plan. He never looked for her because he knew that she would be back soon enough, slightly more tired and cranky, but back nonetheless. Natasha was never one for emotions, he knew that from the beginning, so when he turned around to look at the wall he gasped. There hung up in a beautiful frame was a picture of him and Nat when they had a vacation to Florida a few months ago. It was probably the best time of his life and he could tell by her face that it was the same to her. She was relaxed, radiant in the happiness that had overcome her when they got together. She never showed that of course, only when she was alone with Clint. He was grinning and staring at the picture with good memories in his mind.

He finally tore his eyes away from the photo, and started to move over to the computer that was there in the corner, but his foot clipped something that was just out from under the bed. He picked it up to find another photo of a beautiful little girl (around three years old). She had bright red flowing hair and emerald eyes. He thought that she could be Natasha from when she was younger but didn't ponder the matter. He put the photo in his pocket, being careful not to break the frame, just in case he needed it, but he doubted he would. He got to the computer and switched it on. He wasn't perturbed by the fact that it had a password; it was quite easy to guess because the hint was C. She didn't go on here much. He typed his name into the bar and it unlocked. He smiled a little at the thought of him being so important to her now. He scanned through the files searching for something that could possibly link to her not coming back. He couldn't find anything in her documents so he searched through her emails, just to check. There he found something, very, very disturbing. Because she was on a mission, she hadn't read the email so she wouldn't have known that they were after her. Two words changed everything.

_Ivan. Drakov._

Ivan had taken her in when her parents died but had sentenced her to a life of misery and pain in the Red Room. When she escaped he wasn't a happy man. And Drakov? He was after her for a totally different reason. She had killed his daughter. It was a pretty bad mission which had forced her to blow the whole building up that they had infiltrated. His daughter was one of a few people that were actually inside at the time and she would never have survived. Drakov never, ever forgave her.

He raced out of the room to the living room where Steve, Tony, Pepper, Bruce, Thor and Jane were. He ran in panting. "Clint what's the matter?" asked Bruce worriedly. He explained through hurried breaths all about Ivan and Drakov and how they had got Natasha, and they were all wide eyed by the time he had finished.

Thor's booming voice spoke first, "We have to save Lady Natasha!" The others agreed but Clint knew better. "There are only two problems with that," they all looked at him "one: we have no idea where she actually is, and two: if we storm in there they will probably just ki..." He gulped. There was a long silence and Tony spoke up "We will do everything we can to try and work out what to do Clint." He looked at him with reassuring eyes and Clint nodded slowly.

Natasha woke up drowsy. Her hands, feet and waist were strapped down by heavy metal chains. She tried to remember what had happened yesterday, before all this. She was walking to her quinjet, ready to go home and see Clint and the others. The mission had been successful and all she wanted now was a nice hot bath (preferably with Clint). Then everything went black.

She surveyed the room around her. It was made of some sort of red clay or mud and it was empty apart from her, a light bulb and a very sophisticated high tech screen, that stood out compared to everything else in the room. She struggled against her chains but they were too heavy and got tighter each time she moved. She wondered who had done this to her. Sure, she had made enough enemies along the way but none who would do this to her, she didn't think. And then a man walked in, snapping her out of her thinking. She looked up and almost passed out. It was Drakov. And he was here for revenge. "No, not you," she managed to say through her shallow breaths. He grinned evilly at her and she knew she was in trouble. He was carrying a needle in his hand and before she knew it there was something going through her bloodstreams and she had no idea what it was. "What have you done to me?" she was scared, but let none of that show. "It's to make the pain 1000 times worse than it would have been," he whispered in her ear, obviously proud of himself. And then the torture began.


	2. Chapter 2

Clint was pacing around the room, trying to think of what to do. They had all been like this for about 5 hours and still had come up with nothing. It was silent in the room and he made to leave, to try and escape from the tension, but just before he had opened the door a loud noise woke him up from his daze. He whipped round to find Tony's giant computer screen turned on and a man leering at them. "Drakov," Clint snarled. "Ah, Mr. Barton, I believe," Drakov smiled provokingly at him. "Ms. Romanoff has been asking for you recently." "Natasha!" Clint screamed trying to see her. The others went closer to him to protect him from what was inevitably going to happen next. "Would you like to see her?" Ivan knew the answer. Clint nodded immediately. Behind him, Tony had started trying to track their whereabouts, but he shook his head as it didn't work.

Drakov stepped away from the screen. Clint fell to the floor sobbing as Pepper and Jane screamed out "Oh my God!" simultaneously. Steve knelt down to hold Clint as his sobs racked through him, while Tony and Bruce stood there in shock. Thor was hugging Jane and Pepper. They were Natasha's best friends once she had been convinced by Clint to let them in to her life. Once they learned more about each other, the three women hardly spent any time away from each other, always talking and joking about. Natasha never said much about her past to them and they respected her enough to let it pass. Seeing her like this was excruciating.

Clint shakily stood up, holding on to Steve to look at Natasha again. They all tried to hide the shock and pain as they looked back at her. She was covered in blood from head to toe and it was pouring out from her all over the floor around her. Her eyes were half closed and her pupils were dilated. She was shaking and trying to breathe calmly but failing. There were deep cuts slashed into her from the knife in front of her. It was covered in her blood and Drakov started laughing, not quiet sneering laughter, but full blown evil triumphant laughter. She winced at the sound as it went into her ears.

"Please, let her go, I'm begging you!" Clint said between sobs. Drakov continued laughing as he told them there was no way she was getting away this lightly. He looked back at Natasha. "You want some more _medicine_?" She shook her head lightly and it was clear that even that was killing her. "Sorry?" Drakov asked, cupping his ear. "No...please..no." It was the first time they heard her speak and her voice cut through them all. It wasn't Natasha at all. Her voice was strained and terrified, hoarse from the screaming. Steve took a small step forward. "What medicine?" he asked, there were tears coming out of his eyes. He treated Natasha like a sister and he couldn't cope with her hurt like this. "Oh, this?" he held up another syringe with cloudy liquid in it, "It amplifies the pain, you see, about a thousand times more." He grinned, victorious. Steve stepped back like he had just been punched in the stomach.

They could do nothing as he pushed the needle into her arm and injected her, and she shuddered as it went in. They could do nothing as he started punching her, shouting at her, blaming her for the death of his daughter. They could do nothing as he picked up the knife and started slashing into her, again and again. They could do nothing as she screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

In the end, they had all ended up sitting on the couch crying, sobbing, against each other as he left Natasha in the room again, alone, terrified and bleeding.

They didn't turn round as Coulson and Maria walked in wondering what was going on. They both stopped and stared at the screen. They gasped in shock and pain, Natasha was one of their closest friends. Both of them walked over to the couch and sat with the others, trying to comfort them, especially Clint.

After a while, Clint (still crying), got up and went to the screen. It was right in front of her now so he could see every detail of her. "Tasha?" he didn't know how he was getting the words out. Everyone was behind him now, their faces red from crying. She ever so slowly lifted her head. Her eyes were petrified and hurt and the tears were rolling down her cheeks. They saw her eyes flicker to each of them and finally landed on Clint, their eyes locked on to each other. She was close enough to the screen to touch it and, with all the strength she had left, she put her fingers to Clint's face on the screen, blood smearing across it. And that was it. She had passed out before he could say anything. She was still chained up and had no one there to wake her up.

After a while, Tony and Bruce picked the portable screen up from the wall at the front of the room and moved it to the wall nearest the sofa. They all slept on the sofas that night, even if it was for only 2 hours. They couldn't stop just staring at Natasha who was vulnerable, hurt. They couldn't do anything to help her.


	4. Chapter 4

All of them jolted awake as they heard a noise. It was about 3 in the morning. They rubbed their eyes and looked up to the screen. They didn't know what time it was where Natasha was but Clint guessed it was the middle of the night because he knew exactly what was going on. Natasha was writhing around in her chair, sweating and screaming out words that were unintelligible.

"What's happening?" Pepper asked, fear in her voice. "She's having a nightmare," Clint responded, gravely. "She has them almost every night, and each night I wake her up and comfort her." _But I'm not there now to comfort her. _ "What are they about?" Bruce asked him. Everyone looked at him and he realised how much they didn't know about their closest friend. He took a deep breath and said sorry to Tasha as he started to explain. She would have hated him telling them about her past but they had the right to know now. "When Natasha was 5, her parents died in a hospital fire. A man named Ivan Petrovich saved her from the flames and took her in. She thought he was good until he gave her away to a facility call the Red Room. They trained girls of all ages to become super spies, injected them, experimented and things like that. She was most likely the youngest girl they had ever had and she excelled in all of the tests they put her through. They made her grow up way too fast. Ivan is the founder of the Room and controlled her. They used to abuse her, physically and...the other way. They brainwashed her and she lost all emotions and mercy for anyone, she was a killing machine. But one day, she broke free of the control. She escaped but they eventually found her and brought her back, treating her worse than the last time she was there, MUCH worse. But she escaped about 2 other times and each time they brought her back treating her worse than the last time. On the fourth time she escaped they never found her. They had turned her into the ruthless Black Widow but there was still part of her inside willing her to keep going. And that's when I found her. I was sent to kill her...but I could see she could change. And she did and that's what made her into the Natasha we all love now." He looked around at them. They were all teary eyed at her back story. "I had no idea," Jane said. "I guess she had it the worst of all of us then," Tony whispered. They all nodded. "And that's what her nightmares are about, her past." Clint finished. "They must be horrible," Pepper had broken the silence "I couldn't imagine having that as a child and then reliving it every night." Clint nodded. "When she wakes up, she looks at me with these terrified eyes and it's like she really is a child." "I don't know what would happen if I wasn't there because I always wake her up, but now I don't know what it will do to her. It's like she's trapped inside of her mind and can't escape." They all looked at Natasha and her screaming had gotten worse, she was shaking so much and then her accent started changing from American to her old language, Russian. Her eyes were darkening as the past crept back up on her invading her brain. And it was gone in a split second as Clint started shouting into the screen, only just loud enough for her to hear it as it cut through the barrier inside her head.

Natasha's eyes flew open as she struggled for breath. She didn't know what was happening. She had been Natalia the merciless killing machine and then switched back into Natasha, and that scared her even more than all that was going on here. She could still feel blood dripping from her, but her past had made changes to her body, resulting in her not being dead right now. She looked up to see Clint looking at her but he had moved onto the sofas with the others since yesterday. Maria and Coulson were there just staring at her. She missed them all so much, but not as much as Clint. She looked into his eyes not blinking, never wanting to miss a moment of the time when she was alone here. She had a little more strength than yesterday and she reached across to touch the screen trying to get as close as possible to them. They all stood up as they saw her touch the screen, leaving her hand there, and Clint put his hand against hers on his side of the screen. She couldn't leave her hand there because it hurt too much and she winced when she moved. She was so scared. She must have looked it because of the way they looked at her. She wanted to go home, and be held by Clint and never let go, ever. How was she supposed to get out of here? Drakov would never let her go. She owed too much to him. She kept looking at the door to see if he was coming back, and it was silent. That creeped her out. The tears had been gushing out of her eyes ever since she woke up from her nightmare and she hadn't realised. She needed to speak to them, to say all the things she needed to say if she didn't make it...

" Clint..." she whispered, her eyes desperate but they went brighter when she spoke to him. She could hardly speak, it hurt so much. "Tasha," Clint breathed back, "I miss you and I'm gonna get you out of there, okay?" She tried to nod and just managed before wincing in pain. Pepper and Jane stepped in front of Clint and her eyes went a bit brighter than they already were. "We miss you, Nat," they both said.

She scanned everyone's faces, her eyes locking on to each and every one of them. She choked on her tears and she cried out in pain as she shook. She looked at them and they couldn't do anything to help her. She heard a bang as the door flew open and they could see the widening of her eyes, the terror, the despair. She screamed and then passed out as she saw who was there.


	5. Chapter 5

Ivan Petrovich walked through the door looking smugly at Natasha. "Hello Natalia."

Everyone looked at Clint confused and he explained that she had changed her name once she left the Room.

They looked back and in horror saw the weapons that Ivan had with him. They were mainly guns and knives but others like tasers and nails. She woke up and saw him standing in front of her. "You betrayed me Natalia," he looked deep into her eyes, "And now you are going to pay." But to everyone's surprise, he put the weapons down.

"What-" said Steve but he was cut off by Ivan.

"Oh, by the way, how's Natasha?" he asked her. They saw her eyes widen, the fear was impregnated on her face and before they knew it, she vomited all over herself and Ivan. "Thought so." And he punched her before walking to the screen. Clint stepped forward. "What's going on and who is Natasha?" he growled. "Let me show you something." Ivan placed a disk into the side of the screen and a video popped up. They could see Natasha in the corner of the screen, horrified, but they focused on the video about to play-

Ivan was sitting in a chair in front of Natasha who was chained to the wall wearing a dark red uniform. "What is your name?" he asked coldly. She glanced at the camera in the room. She started to say something in Russian but he slapped her and screamed "ENGLISH!" She got her breath back and said in a heavy Russian accent "M-my n-n-name is Natalia Alianovna R-Romanova." _Natasha had a stutter? _ She was much younger (around 19) but not scared, like she had been in this situation before, which she probably had. "And why are you here?" "T-t-to s-serve the R-Red Room and...nothing e-else." He nodded and then told a guard to bring "her" in. The little girl from the photo came bounding in and jumped into Natalia's arms, smiling. She snuggled against her and Natalia did the same. "Natalia you will be served your punishment." She looked up and gave him a hard stare and then turned her attention back to the girl (who was a spitting image of Natalia) instantly smiling. "Natasha, come here." The little girl got off and went to Ivan. Without a second of hesitation, he shot her straight in the head. A scream erupted from Natalia's mouth so loud and angry and hurt and scared and it didn't stop, she just kept staring at the girl. She broke free of her chains in a fit of rage and emotion and started punching Ivan repeatedly until he fell to the ground. She stopped and fell to the floor holding the girl, rocking and crying in the pool of blood surrounding her. Ivan got up and punched her until she threw up but that was probably from the emotion as well. A guard came in and dragged her away while Ivan told him to take her back to "the lab". The video cut to a time before where Natalia was playing around with the girl smiling and laughing. She hugged her and said "I l-love y-you, Tasha." The girl replied with "I love you too, Mummy."

The film stopped. Clint was sobbing against the others silently taking in the pain that Natasha had to go through and the others felt the same, but worse. Clint knew about the Room and her past but it was never how he imagined it to be, but the others, they had never seen that sort of violence towards a single person before yesterday when Nat was being beaten. The girls had taken it the worst out of all of them. It was no surprise. Natasha was their best friend and the fact that she had to endure that kind of pain so young was unbearable for them. He pulled out the photo of the young girl and they all stopped and looked at him. He shrugged and said "It was under her bed." They nodded. He examined it and when he turned it over, on the back underneath the frame was the most heart crushing thing he had ever seen. Natalia had written her name and underneath was Natasha written in her 3 year old loopy writing, much similar to his Nat's writing. A heart had surrounded the names and when he pulled the frame fully away another photo fell out – the one with the writing. He turned it over and it was mother and daughter in soft hug content with their lives. He remembered Nat had told him she escaped for about 3 years, the second time, so he was guessing that it was because of Natasha.

He looked at the others with worry in his eyes. He didn't know what to do when he turned round and saw Nat's face. Before they turned however, they heard a gunshot from the screen's speakers. Drakov had gone, leaving his mark and handing her over to Ivan. Clint span round to find Tasha unchained, but bleeding heavily from her stomach. He couldn't speak, just stared. She was leaning against the chair with her head resting on the seat and both hands pressed against her stomach, shuddering in pain. She was so pale, she looked like was going to die any second now, which could happen he reminded himself grimly. She didn't look at them for what felt like days but was probably only an hour. Many times she went and threw up shaking after because of the pain. Natasha never vomited so he knew this was because of her daughter, he thought it was strange that she vomited when Ivan asked Nat about her. He also remembered the first time he had called her Tasha, how she went rigid, frozen to the spot. Now he knew why. She had obviously got over the pain long ago, or pushed it to the back of her mind, because she continued to have her name as Natasha, a tribute to her daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

Clint walked over to the others. Steve, Bruce, Tony, Coulson and Thor were huddled in conversation. Maria, Jane and Pepper were on another sofa talking. As he sat down, everyone looked at him. He buried his head in his hands and felt Thor's go arm around his shoulder. "I have no idea what to do." He was crying again and didn't care who saw. Steve stood up to say something but abruptly stopped when they heard a noise from the screen.

Natasha was looking up and crying. "I'm s-so s-s-sorry Tasha. I let you d-down." All of their hearts broke for her. She was moving her finger around a locket on her chest, the one that he knew she never, ever took off. She turned round slowly, her bright green eyes standing out in the dim room. "C-C-Clint-" but she stopped herself, covering a hand over her mouth. _The stutter had come back. _He knew she was ashamed but he would help her manage if she got home. _When. When she got home, not if._

Natasha was just staring at the screen when Ivan burst in through the door. She jumped and backed into the corner, huddled like a small child. "P-Please..." she whispered. She could not manage any more than that and she slumped down. He walked over to the screen, but not before kicking her in the stomach and making her groan and see lights in front of her eyes. "I'm sorry to inform you that this broadcast will be shut off for a few days," he said, smirking. She heard them all scream in protest as he sauntered over to her. They heard the last words leave his mouth as the screen went black: "Now let the _real_ pain begin."

No one spoke for 2 and a half days. The Tower was eerily quiet as they stayed in the living room sitting in shock, getting paler each day. Everyone felt hopeless and had given up. There was nothing they could do. If everyone else was feeling so, so traumatized inside, it was nothing compared to Clint. He gazed into the depths of the room unmoving, the pain inside his chest was growing bigger and bigger with every second, like he was going to explode. He just wanted to be swallowed up into the deep core of the Earth and never return.

On the last half of the second day, the screen flew back into life and they jumped up immediately. Ivan was blocking the screen, his grin wide. He left the room, and if the first time they had seen Natasha there was horrible, this time it was like something was grabbing their hearts and squeezing tightly. It was like she was painted red but in her own blood. There were different marks on her – burns, holes and bruises mainly. They couldn't even tell if it was her anymore. They watched her struggle to breathe her chest only rising slightly as the air entered her lungs. She was on her side in the middle of the room and they could see the marks where more chains had held her. When she rolled over Jane screamed. They looked at her and then to Natasha and they hadn't seen it at first, they were too focused on whether she was breathing or not. Her arm had been turned into shreds of flesh there was so much blood gushing out of it. The bullet holes went up and down her arm continuously and they weren't from a regular pistol they were much bigger and went deeper into it. Clint was choking on his tears trying not to collapse right there. Things had gotten worse when he looked back. Natasha had tried to move to see them so her face was focused on the screen. They hadn't expected what they saw. While one of the halves of her face was quite broken from the knives of Drakov, her other half was so much worse. Her eye was cut and blood was dripping from the gashes and burns Ivan had made into it. She couldn't see out of one of her eyes but the tears still fell from them as she tried to get up but she fell and crying out. She was unconscious again. It was only then when he finally turned round, that Clint had noticed how this was affecting the others. They all had their ways of going about life, and they had significantly changed now that he actually took the time to look. Tony hadn't shaved and his clothes were unclean, Steve wasn't performing his morning rituals anymore, Thor's hair had turned darker and it was knotted from where he hadn't kept it tidy, Bruce wasn't doing anymore science, Pepper had left all her paperwork in a pile in the corner of the room, Jane had stopped talking to her other best friend Darcy and Maria and Coulson hadn't talked to Fury since they got here. Even JARVIS sounded sad when he spoke. Clint knew Natasha wouldn't believe it but she was loved by way more people than she knew. He would change that when she got home. The chances of that happening were decreasing and Clint still couldn't do anything. Tony had tried everything to try and track the source of the broadcast but had failed every time. But Natasha was going to get out of there, he knew it. If they couldn't do it, then she would, he knew the Black Widow didn't give up that easily.


	7. Chapter 7

Clint turned back around to check on Natasha, but he sensed something was wrong instantly. Her chest wasn't rising and falling as it usually did and Clint started to breathe faster and in quick breaths. _I can't lose her know, not after everything we've been through. _"Nat?" he barely noticed as the others started looking at him worriedly. However, Clint saw her breathe again as she turned to look at him, with what he thought was a hint of mischief in her eyes. Natasha placed a finger to her lips and unclasped the locket from her neck. Clint looked back at her with realisation in his eyes. She nodded once and turned back over, her chest stopping again. "Clint, what's going on?" Tony asked him. He smiled slightly. "Natasha's going to kill Ivan."

Natasha lay on the floor holding her breath. The pain still soared through her but she managed to push it to the back of her mind. If she was going to do this she had to do it right. She heard Ivan kick the door open and she swallowed nervously. Natasha could feel his eyes on her and knew exactly what was going through his mind. He had been foolish to unchain her. As he bent down to get a closer look, she took her chance. She swung her leg round and her foot hooked round the back of Ivan's leg. He shouted as he fell to the ground and she jumped up putting the chain from the locket around his neck and held it tightly, the tears streaming from her eyes as she remembered everything he had done to her. He was thrashing around on the ground but she kept it there with no mercy. She felt the life drain from his body as he stopped moving and she removed the chain from around his neck. She was lucky that it had been thick enough to suffocate him, instead of just cutting into his neck. She looked down at him one more time and said "Это было для Наташи." _That was for Natasha. _

She knelt down over Ivan's body and felt around in his pocket. Inside was a phone and she turned it on quickly, knowing that Tony could finally track her. She turned around to see everyone staring at her with too many emotions for her to count. She nodded to Tony and he looked down at his tablet to start getting to work.

Natasha could feel the excruciating pain return to her and she fell against the wall, shaking. She was blacking out again, but this time it felt different, like she was going into a deep sleep.

"I've found her!" Tony finally exclaimed as he shot up smiling. "Where is she?" Pepper asked, as she felt somewhat happy again, knowing she was getting her best friend back. "No time for explanations, darling, all you need to know is that I'm getting her back." Tony already had his suit on and he looked back at them as he shot off into the sky, to rescue Natasha. Everyone let out a sigh of relief as they fell back onto the sofas, waiting.

Tony blasted the door of the room off its hinges as he ran into the room, searching for Natasha. He briefly looked over to the others and saw them watching his every move. He turned back around to Natasha, who still hadn't woken up yet. That worried Tony, but she was still alive and all he cared about right now, was getting her home. He gently picked her up in his arms, trying not to think about the blood continuously dripping over his suit. As he began to leave, he turned back around and kicked Ivan in the face, for Natasha. The journey getting back was short, and he felt proud of how fast his suit could fly. He had slowed down on the journey getting to Natasha because he didn't want to miss the place where she was held captive, but he wasted no time on getting her to safety.

Tony lowered himself down onto the roof and felt the suit beginning to be taken off of him. He gripped Natasha tightly in his arms and ran down to where the others were. As JARVIS ran a load of medical tests on her, he ran into the living room to see everyone else. They were standing up waiting for him, with baited breath and he walked through the room straight towards Clint. He moved Natasha over into Clint's strong arms and stepped back.

Clint laid Natasha down on the sofa as gently as he could, apologizing to Pepper and Tony for the blood that would stain it, but they didn't care about that right now. He pushed her red curls from her face and tears began to run down his face as he stared at her. Steve was the first to sit beside Clint and the others followed soon after. They had decided to look after her in the Tower instead of taking her to the SHIELD infirmary. Besides, Bruce and JARVIS on their own were better than every SHIELD doctor put together. "Why isn't she waking up?" Clint asked JARVIS. He began to break down as JARVIS explained that soon after she killed Ivan, she had gone into a coma. The others sat there shocked and unmoving but their spirits were lifted as JARVIS said she would wake up. But he didn't know when.


	8. Chapter 8

Jane and Pepper worked together to clean the blood off Natasha that had dried to her skin. It was still pouring down her body, but once Bruce had injected her with medicine and patched the worst wounds up, it had started to slow. They had placed Natasha into the room which she and Clint shared and had stayed there for the time that she had to heal. Each of them had gone out to get food for each of them, but came back soon after. They all slept on the floor and there were piles of blankets cluttering the room.

3 weeks had gone by and there was still no change in Natasha waking up. There was no blood coming out of her now. Her vitals were fine and some of the bigger wounds were bandaged up. Clint didn't know if he could carry on if Natasha didn't wake up. He kept hoping that it would be soon but it never was. He wasn't going to give up on her though. Clint looked around to find he was alone in his bedroom. He vaguely remembered the others saying they had gone down to eat some pizza but he didn't join them. He had his hand resting underneath Natasha's when he felt her move it slightly. He jumped when he felt the movement but didn't leave. Natasha's hand slowly closed around Clint's and he felt his heart explode inside him. Trying not to move, Clint picked up the phone from the table and rang down to Tony.

"Clint, are you okay?" Tony immediately asked him when he picked up.

"Tony, she's waking up!" he breathed. He heard the others run up the stairs to his room instantly. In that time Natasha had moved slightly onto her side and her breathing had quickened. Pepper ran into the room first, her eyes wide. Everyone else soon followed, looking at Clint. He grinned as he gestured to her body position and lifted her hand up to show their fingers intertwined. They positioned themselves around her bed, each of them had tears in their eyes and were grinning.

Natasha's eyes flickered open and she took a deep breath as she found herself in her and Clint's room. She moved her fingers and felt Clint's hand holding hers. She moved her head slightly and she saw Clint staring at her, with that stupid grin in his face that she loved so much. She smiled weakly and tried to sit up, but her back was killing her and she fell back. His hand went behind her back and he supported her as she sat up again. She looked around the room and saw the others positioned around her bed, also grinning her. Her two best friends were sat next to each other, tears in their eyes.

"How do you feel Nat?" Jane was the first one to speak in the room. Natasha thought for a second and answered with "Hungry." Everyone laughed with her, happy to see she was back to normal. "JARVIS, send up some of the pizza from earlier," Tony said, and a few seconds later a small shelf opened from the wall and Clint passed her some pizza. "Thanks," she whispered, it still hurt to talk. She lifted the pizza up to her mouth but dropped it as soon as she saw her hands. There were deep cuts slashed into them and they were bright red, not healed properly yet. Her right arm was the worst though, it was bandaged up so she couldn't see it, but she knew what had happened. She looked around at the rest of her body and saw the same, but with added injuries. Her skin was nearly white. She started to hyperventilate, staring at herself. Clint rubbed her back slowly, calming her down slightly. That's when she noticed that she couldn't see out of one eye. She lifted her hand up to it and there was a bandage covering half of her face. Tears started escaping from her good eye and she couldn't stop them. That was when Bruce spoke up. "Natasha, your eye is going to be fine," he reassured her. "We should be able to remove the bandage within a couple of days and your eyesight should be back to normal by then." She smiled. She then gestured for Clint to come and sit next to her on the bed and he scrambled up, sliding in next to her. He put his arm around her and kissed her head. Natasha rested her head on his shoulder and gripped his hand tightly.

Clint then straightened up in realization of something. They all looked up to him, confused. He turned to Natasha. "You haven't stuttered since you woke up.." Natasha went rigid. After a few seconds she decided to speak. "It only happens when I get reminded of..." She paused, but then continued. "Of Natasha."

Clint pulled her close and more tears escaped from her. She was shaking again. A few minutes of silence, and Pepper spoke up. "Why did you never tell us Natasha, about your past?" Natasha gulped and then looked up to Clint. "You told them?" "I had to, Nat, they deserved to know," he replied truthfully. She nodded and looked back to Pepper and also Jane. Her two best friends. They were looking at her expectantly but with care. She took a deep breath. "I never had the courage to. What the Room did to me has scarred me for life but also made me into the person I am today. I never had anyone to talk to before Clint came along, and even then it took me years to let him in to my life. When he suggested I became friends with you two, I never knew what to think. You two were always talking about normal girl things, such as shopping and make-up. I never knew how to do any of that, never experienced it. Never grew up properly. When you taught me how to become a bit more normal, I didn't want to ruin our friendship by telling you about my past. I thought you wouldn't care for me anymore, and that's all I've had my whole life. I didn't want to go through it again. You two had pretty normal lives before all this and I didn't. I was scared to be let down again," she finished her sentence and Pepper and Jane both had their mouths wide open and were staring at her. "Natasha-" but Jane was cut off as Natasha had collapsed onto the bed and started violently shaking. Foam was coming from her mouth and blood started to come out of her wounds again. Her eyes were half closed. Clint jumped from the bed away from Natasha. "What's happening Bruce?" but Bruce was already at her side putting a needle into her neck. Natasha had stopped moving as the drug moved through her body. She was asleep in 10 seconds.

"Natasha had a fit," he explained to the rest of the group who were looking at him in horror. "It is one of the side effects of being tortured but she would be awake soon." What Bruce had said was true, Natasha was awake in less than 15 minutes.

Natasha woke up gasping. Clint was sitting next to her on the bed again and was stroking the top of her hand. "What just happened?" Natasha was scared. She couldn't remember anything of what had happened. "You had a fit, Natasha." Steve spoke to her calmly but he was tense. She looked around at Bruce who told her that it was a side effect of what had happened to her. Her eyes widened in horror. She looked around to Jane who was going to talk to her before her fit. She wasn't sure what she was going to say but Natasha hoped it wasn't anything bad. "Natasha, me and Pepper would never do anything to hurt you. We love you too much for that and we care about you. What happened in your past is horrible and we know that, but we would never unfriend you just because of that, we've gone through too much together. And we will do anything we can to help you and get you into having a normal life again. You can do all the stuff that you never got to do as a kid. As your best friends, we will help you live again. We would _never _abandon you like many other people have done before we came along. Do you understand?" Natasha nodded in surprise. She wasn't alone anymore. Natasha sat on the edge of the bed and hugged them both tightly. She broke away and her green eyes were sparkling just like they had done before she had got captured. Pepper and Jane nodded at her, smiling. She moved back to Clint and sat in his lap. He pulled her closer to him and he kissed her lovingly. They broke away and Natasha rested her head on his chest and fell into a light sleep in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Clint woke Natasha up half an hour later, telling her she needed to eat. She agreed and tried to stand up but she was still too weak. Maria and Coulson went to find her a wheelchair and came back a few minutes later. Clint lifted her into it and pushed her into the lift. They decided to eat in the living room so Natasha could sit on the sofa, making her more comfortable. As they all sat down and ate their spaghetti bolognese, Natasha started staring at the screen on her left. Clint glanced at her and he nudged her. She turned round to look at him and he asked her if she wanted to watch the recording. He didn't know why she did but he didn't question it. If this was her way of coping, he would help her every step of the way. Tony went and turned it on and chose the last recording on the screen.

Natasha watched the whole thing without moving. She had seen their reactions to everything because the screen had recorded them as well as her. She had turned paler and looked away when it came to the part about her daughter, she didn't want to vomit, or her stutter to start up again. But apart from that she just watched silently. Her hands were shaking slightly as it ended. She put her plate down on the glass table in front of her and leaned back into the safety of Clint's arms. He kissed her red curls before leaning back against the arm of the sofa and falling asleep, Natasha in his arms. The other Avengers had also slept in the living room as well, to watch over Clint and Natasha.

Clint woke up to the sound of screaming. He could feel Natasha thrashing about in his arms and he quickly sat up. "Okay, Tash you've got to wake up now," he said into her ear. He knew everything he had to say, he had been doing this for about a year already.

After a while, Natasha woke up, sweating and trying to breathe. She looked up into Clint's stormy eyes, her bright green eyes connecting with his. Before she knew it however, she had thrown up all over Clint. He wasn't mad as she tried to mumble an apology, he just led her to the bathroom where she continued to be sick, as he rubbed her back slowly. Her nightmares had plagued her with thoughts of her daughter, causing the vomit. Thankfully, her stammer stayed away. This time. She didn't know how long it would be before it returned to her after a nightmare.

Clint helped her walk out of the bathroom, after he had removed his vomit covered shirt, and she sat back on the sofa. It was stained red with her blood and she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. She noticed that the others were all tense around her, but she didn't want to say anything. She guessed they were all just nervous for her. Thor went to turn the TV on, Natasha guessed he couldn't stand the silence as well, which was understandable, he was used to the roaring voices of his family that were in Asgard so it must have been different for him on Earth. The news flashed on and Natasha wasn't going to pay attention to it, until she heard her name.

"And now, for news of the recent whereabouts of Black Widow from the Avengers. Late last week, Black Widow was known to go missing before she got home to the Avengers Tower. No one had heard any news until two days ago, when billionaire Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, rescued her from a place still yet to be confirmed. Director Nick Fury spoke on behalf of the Widow and said that she was "home safely" and to "leave the Avengers alone", we can confirm that Black Widow is still recovering from injuries sustained from her attack but we have received no other information on the subject."

Thor changed the channel as the news story ended. _Great so now everyone knows about it. _Clint pulled her into a hug, and she relaxed against his chest, feeling it rise and fall.

Clint was holding Natasha and he could feel her slowly falling asleep. Just before she did, a loud noise rang out from his pocket, and she jumped up. Clint picked up his phone and looked to see who had interrupted Natasha's recovery. Fury was calling him. Typical. He stood up and kissed Natasha on the forehead before walking outside of the room. Barton, we need you on a mission right away," Fury said in his threatening tone. "What? Sir you can't make me go, I have to look after Natasha!" Clint was getting angry now. "Agent Romanoff will be perfectly fine in the Tower with the other Avengers. I'm sure Ms. Potts and Ms. Foster will also be there to help." "But sir, you don't understand-" But the call cut off and Clint rammed his phone into his pocket, in a rage.

Natasha looked up at him as he walked back into the room and he tried to smile. He sighed before telling everyone that he would have to leave. They all gasped in shock as he told them, even Coulson. Clint thought he would have something to do with this, but turns out he didn't know anything either. "How long will you be gone?" Maria asked him. "A couple of days at the most, it's mainly a surveillance mission before I take the target out."

Natasha was looking worried as she leaned close to him and whispered in his ear, "What am I supposed to do about my nightmares?" Clint took her hand and held it firmly as he whispered back, "I'll call you at about 12:30 each night, to wake you up. You're going to have to take yourself to the bathroom but I promise you it will be fine, ok?" Natasha pulled away from him and nodded.

Clint walked out with Maria and Phil at his side, he would talk to them through the comms when he was on the mission.

As he left, Pepper and Jane sat down next to Natasha. They smiled at her and reassured her that everything was going to be fine.

"I think I'll go back to my room now," Natasha said after a while. Steve nodded at her and helped her into the wheelchair. Natasha was scared as she got to her room. She didn't show any of it, she was used to hiding her emotions, but inside she was petrified. She laid down on her bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

It wasn't long before Natasha was screaming again, the demons of her past coming back to haunt her. Then she heard a loud ringing sound come from underneath the pillow. She woke up and threw the duvet off of her, it had tangled around her when she was moving. Natasha shakily picked up the phone before running into the bathroom to throw up. When she had finished, Clint's soothing voice had entered her ear and she began to relax. "Hey, Nat," he said calmly. "Hey," she replied. "You're going to be ok Natasha, just go and get a drink of water and some food and then go back to sleep, ok?" Clint knew that she only had one nightmare per day, so it was best if she tried to sleep soon after the nightmare. "Ok, Clint," she replied before telling him that she loved him and said goodbye.

It continued like this for two nights. Every night Natasha would wake up screaming, but was pulled out of her mind when Clint rang her up, soothing her.

Except the third night.

Clint pulled his bow string back to his cheek and waited for the perfect moment to kill his target. As the middle aged man walked into his line of aim, Clint let the string go and watched as the arrow entered the man's skull. He smiled at himself and picked up his phone to call Phil and tell him to pick him up in the quinjet. But as he glanced at the time, he stopped dead in his tracks. It was 5 in the morning. And he hadn't woken Natasha up.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: hey I just wanted to say thanks for the great feedback! this is my first fanfic so I wasn't sure if anyone would like it but hey I had to see. just a warning about this chapter because it features self harm and is a bit depressing but it gets happier at the end :) oh and it has a tiny bit of swearing in it because why not? I would love some reviews and I'm open to requests for what you want to happen next! but without any more of my droning, here is chapter 10!**

Pepper rushed into Natasha's room. She had heard her screams every night, but they had stopped soon enough in the night. Tonight it continued.

"Natasha?" Pepper gasped at her.

Natasha was huddled up in the corner of the room like a small child. Her green eyes were wide with fear as she looked back at Pepper. "Get away from me!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her Russian accent shining through. She pulled a pistol out from behind her back, holding it in her shaky hands. Pepper immediately stepped back, raising her hands in the air. Her index finger moved down to a button on her watch, but Natasha didn't seem to notice, she was too afraid, either that or she was intent on murdering someone.

Pepper heard the other Avengers feet, racing up the stairs and they barged into Natasha's room. "NO!" Pepper shouted and they thankfully stopped just in time, before Natasha shot any of them.

"What's going on?" Steve whispered. They turned to look at Bruce. "I don't think Clint woke her up from her nightmare earlier. You saw how she was when it happened when she was captive, her mind, in a sense, locks her out of reality, sort of like a prison. A mental barrier. It takes her back to the worst times of her life. For Natasha, there are a countless number of times like that."

Tony spoke up, "Not trying to make this any worse than it already is, but how exactly do we get her to stop? Because I don't really fancy having my brains blown out any time soon." Bruce didn't answer.

Natasha was still in the same position when they looked back at her, but there was something different in her eyes. Hatred. Her hands were more steady now but the gun wasn't aimed at any particular one of them. It almost looked like she could see something that they couldn't. She was still silent as she stared off into the distance, but each time one of them moved her eyes flickered back to them.

"How does Clint get her to wake up from her nightmares?" Jane asked no one in particular, "She always calms down when he's here, do you think it's some kind of trigger inside her? I heard of something like that when I was studying at college." As if by magic, they heard Clint slam the front door shut as he got back from his mission.

Clint closed the door to the Avengers tower and kicked his shoes off. No one was here. Clint was instantly nervous. "Hello?" he called out into the silence. Tony's voice rang out through the tower, "Clint! Up here-"he yelped as a gunshot went off. _Oh, shit. _Clint raced up the stairs to his room immediately. He rushed in to find the Avengers lined up against the wall, and Natasha huddled in the corner, a smoking gun in her hand. Thankfully no one was hurt, he could tell that because the shot fired into the wall, where for the first time in her life, Natasha had missed. He took a small step towards Natasha, but she raised the gun again, defensively. She didn't do anything when he started speaking. "Tasha, you need to wake up now. This is all in your mind, we are your friends. Hell, I would hope I'm much more than your friend. I know what everyone has done to you, but it will get better, you just have to trust me. Please, Nat drop the gun."

Jane was right about the whole trigger thing. At Clint's words, Natasha's eyes went bright as she returned back into reality. The gun slid from her hand as she slumped against the wall, in defeat. Clint walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Tears were falling from Natasha's eye as she realised what had just happened. Clint lifted her up onto their bed and covered her with the blankets. He sat with her until she fell asleep, and then got off of the bed to talk to the others. They explained what had happened and Clint hung his head in sadness. He knew something like this was bound to happen but he never thought too much about it. He would have a serious yell at Fury in the morning, but not before helping Natasha and the others talk over what had happened.

Clint slid into bed next to Natasha, not bothering to change his clothes, and fell asleep worried.

The next morning, Clint woke Natasha up and helped her get into her temporary wheelchair. She was silent the whole time. There was no doubt that this had messed with her mind severely. Clint walked her into the kitchen where the others were sat, quietly eating their breakfast. They looked up as Natasha sat down, not making a sound. Pepper smiled at her but Natasha didn't move, she just sat there, staring into nothingness. The others bustled around her for a good couple of hours, sorting out things to do with their daily lives. Natasha hardly even noticed them.

Clint had told her he was going to SHIELD to talk to Fury and she nodded once.

A few minutes after Clint had left, Natasha wearily stood up and mumbled that she was going for a shower. Bruce helped her get to the elevator in her wheelchair but left her when she got there.

Natasha limped into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest temperature. She stripped and stepped into the shower. She started scrubbing at herself, making her skin turn raw and there was soon blood spilling into the bathtub that she was standing in. She didn't notice the pain. She needed to wash away the red in her ledger and didn't care how she did it. Natasha started to think about everything she had done, everyone she had killed. Innocent lives were taken because of her. And in that moment, she realised that there was nothing she could do to clean her ledger. She reached for the knife that was in her trousers on the floor and slashed the first cut into her arm.

Clint got back from a serious yelling match with Fury. After an hour of arguing, Clint was given time off to look after Natasha. It wasn't specified how long, just until she was fully recovered. Clint had made that clear when he told Fury he would shoot him in the head if he had to go on any other missions before she was better.

Clint walked past Thor when he was walking to the elevator and Thor waved and smiled at him. Honestly, could this man get any more adorable? Clint waved back, chuckling and walked to the elevator. He pressed his desired floor, and waited calmly. Things were finally getting better.

He walked into his room, smiling slightly. He heard the shower running and went into check on Natasha.

Clint's jaw dropped as he entered the room. Natasha was collapsed in the bath with boiling hot water spraying on her from the showerhead on the wall. He ran to her and turned it off before letting his eyes return to Natasha. There was a knife in her hand and on her right arm were deep cuts in lines going up her arm. The deepest one was on the start of her wrist. He knew what had happened. He didn't speak as he lifted her out of the bath, wrapping her towel around her limp body. Clint's breathing was shallow as he flew into the elevator, repeatedly pressing the ground floor button.

Everyone looked up as they saw Clint holding Natasha in his arms and they saw the blood dripping from her. They jumped up and rushed to him as he told them he was taking her to the SHIELD infirmary. If he didn't get there quick she would be dead.

Tony got one of his cars from the garage and they all jumped in. They raced down the roads and they were at the SHIELD base in a few minutes.

Clint raced through the corridors and turned a corner, scrambling into the infirmary. The doctors immediately took Natasha from Clint's arms and set her down on the bed. Tubes were going in to all places on her body as they battled to save her life. They had injected her with as many drugs possible. As they got Natasha under control and had stopped the blood from leaving her body, they explained to the Avengers that she had nearly cut through the artery in her arm but just missed. Still, if Clint had found her 1 minute later, she would have been dead.

Natasha woke up 3 hours later. As her eyes flickered open, all she could see was white. Perfect. The SHIELD infirmary again. She looked over to Clint who was staring at her, his hands shaking. She looked away from him quickly avoiding the conversation that was about to start up. She didn't look around to the others either, she thought it was best to stare at the ceiling instead. "Why did you do it, Nat?" Clint asked her, his voice cracking.

"Why did you save me?" she mumbled. "Wait what?" Clint was confused as hell right now. What sort of question was that?

Natasha raised her voice, "Why did you save me Clint? Why didn't you just let me die? I'm not needed here, what's the point in living? After all the shit I've done, all the lives I've taken, I'm sick of it. I don't deserve to be in this world. How many people would care if I was gone, all I've done is cause pain everywhere I go. I'm tired of holding all that guilt with me, tired of the red in my ledger not leaving. I thought becoming an Avenger would change that but it hasn't. All I've done is hurt more people, the one thing I was trained to do since I was 5. My past will never leave me. The demons will haunt me forever. You should have let me die because I can't stand it anymore. All this, I just want it to stop. Ending my life would be the quickest way to make that happen. I know you talk about change, but I can't do it, too much has happened and I will always be a killer, no matter how hard I try to get away. You should've just let me die, Clint."

Clint didn't know what to say. He stared at Natasha with his mouth wide open, not speaking. He swallowed and let his thoughts control the words coming out of his mouth. "Natasha, you have changed. You changed when you broke free from the Red Room all those years ago. You changed when you met me. You changed when you became one of SHIELD's greatest agents. You changed when you saved the world and became an Avenger. You changed when you started letting people into your life. No matter what you say, you have changed, for the better. You ask yourself why there is any point in you living, and you have the answer right in front of you. It's because you were capable of change. If you didn't change, you wouldn't have saved the Earth all those months ago. You wouldn't have these amazing friends that are willing to stand up for you no matter what, who count you as their family now. And most of all you wouldn't have me. I love you Tasha, and nothing you have done or will do will change that, ever. It's not your fault that you were trained as a killer since a very young age, but you chose to change. If you had died, you would have no idea of the consequences it would cause. When you were getting tortured, you saw what it did to us. Your life is precious to so many people, Nat, and you need to start believing that. Got it?" Clint let out the breath he was holding. Natasha was staring at him and before he could say anything else she pulled him close and kissed him. It felt like a lifetime before she pulled away, but when she did, she smiled at him. "Got it."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Not sure how I feel about this chapter. The part about Bobbi just came to me one night so I just put it there but please tell me what you think about it! For those of you that don't know, Bobbi Morse is the Marvel character Mockingbird who was with Clint for a while but I didn't want another superhero in this so I just made it up when that she was an actress. Please, please, please review I would love it if you did!**

Natasha had started to get better in a few days. Most of the cuts in her body had disappeared, due to the drugs she had been tested on in the Red Room. The bandage on the left side of her face was removed and apart from a few bruises, it looked like nothing had happened at all. They all knew different though. The cuts on her wrist were still visible, but she tried to ignore them. Natasha knew she was loved now and she would try her hardest to stop blocking everyone out. The SHIELD doctors had told her that she needed to stay in for a few days, just in case, which caused a disappointed grunt from Natasha but she didn't argue.

Clint had left Natasha in the infirmary to get some of her clothes and was walking back to the SHIELD base when a tall blonde woman rushed up to him, grinning. Bobbi Morse. "Clint! How good to see you!" she walked up beside Clint. Clint stiffened. "Bobbi," he said back without emotion. She had tried to hit on him before, but failed. Bobbi Morse was a famous actress rising to fame in her film Mockingbird. Because of the attention the Avengers had been getting recently, Bobbi thought Clint was perfect for her. Clint disagreed.

Bobbi tried to slip her arm around Clint's and that made him mad. "Bobbi, I've got a girlfriend!" he shouted in her face. Natasha was so much more than that but Bobbi didn't need to know. Bobbi flinched back releasing her arm from Clint's. "W-Who?" Clint walked away from Bobbi, but she refused to leave. "Well where is she then, this girlfriend of yours?" she said angrily. Clint paused, thinking of the best answer. "Hospital..." he said slowly. Well it wasn't a lie.

By the time Clint got to the SHIELD base, Bobbi had managed to make him agree to let her see Natasha. This wasn't going to go well.

Clint took a shortcut into the infirmary to avoid Bobbi seeing anything she shouldn't. They reached Natasha's room, and Clint walked in and jumped on Natasha's bed, wrapping his arms around her, making her giggle with delight. Clint cupped her face and their lips crushed together. The other Avengers were glaring at Bobbi when they broke away. "What's she doing here?" Natasha asked coldly. She knew that Bobbi had tried to get Clint. Before Clint got a chance to answer, Bobbi was screeching at him. "That's your girlfriend? That messed up Russian piece of shit?!" Clint pulled Natasha closer to him protectively and nodded at Bobbi glaring at her icily. But Bobbi wasn't finished. Her next sentence shouldn't have been said. "She acts like she's had such a bad past but I bet mine is worse," she huffed.

Natasha jumped off the bed in a split second and had Bobbi on her stomach before anyone knew what was happening. Clint just smirked proudly. Natasha was in a rage. "Ok Bobbi, what happened in your past that could have been worse than mine?" "Well, my parents split up when I was 5," she shrugged. "How can someone like you have worse than that, it's a child's worst nightmare," she said weakly, but grinning. "Let me tell you a story, Bobbi," Natasha growled at her, pushing her head further into the floor, causing Bobbi to squirm. "When _I_ was 5, I was forced to watch my parents burn in a fire, listen to their screams. I was taken to an academy that trained girls and I was experimented on, raped and abused. I was beaten for doing anything wrong. I tried to escape but they found me and you can't imagine the things they did to punish me. The second time they found me, they made me watch my beautiful 3 year old daughter get shot in the head. The third time, they made me kill all the girls that had failed them. They forced me to assassinate innocent people by the thousands. I have nightmares every night of what I have done. And to top all that off, I was just kidnapped and tortured and fell into a coma for 3 weeks. Now tell me Bobbi, how could anyone have worse than _that_?" Natasha spat at her, her voice laced with venom. Bobbi was silent. "Now you leave me and Clint alone, or I swear I will kill you using all 603 ways I know how," Natasha hissed in her ear. Natasha stepped off Bobbi and returned to Clint, leaning against his chest. Bobbi scrambled up, guilt and fear showing clearly on her face. "I'm sorry," she managed to say after a few minutes of silence.

After that, however, her mouth changed into a mischievous grin. "Your daughter probably deserved it though," Bobbi smirked at her. Natasha whipped out her gun, her hands trembling slightly, and pointed it at Bobbi's head. "But imagine living with a mother like you, I would probably kill myself!" "T-Talk about her a-again and I will s-shoot you in the h-head." The stutter was back but Natasha ignored it, rage filling her brain. "No wonder she didn't love you, did she have a stutter too?"

A loud bang went off and Bobbi fell to the floor clutching her leg, the bullet had hit her straight in the shin probably breaking the bone. Doctors rushed in and quickly sedated Bobbi, lifting her out of the room.

Natasha was crying against Clint, shaking severely. "She loved me Clint, I know she did," Natasha whispered against his chest. The stutter had gone, for now. Clint stroked her red curls as he said "I know Tasha, your daughter loved you so much, and she still does." Natasha nodded. Steve walked up to Natasha and told her to get some sleep. Clint agreed and let Natasha rest her head on his legs as she drifted off to sleep.

Fury stormed into Natasha's room, but abruptly stopped as he saw she was being woken up from a nightmare. She writhed about against Clint, screaming, but Clint had stopped it going too far in no time.

Natasha gasped as she woke up, her eyes filled with horror as she looked up at Clint. "Bathroom?" he asked her gently. Natasha nodded and Clint lifted her up and walked her into the bathroom just before she threw up. She was stooped over the toilet vomiting with Clint rubbing her back like he always did. They stepped out of the bathroom with their fingers intertwined and found Fury staring at them in surprise. He had never seen the Black Widow so vulnerable.

Fury quickly recovered before speaking to Natasha, "Good to see you Agent Romanoff." Natasha nodded at him. "Ms. Morse will be dealt with, yes I have heard of your recent...accident, however I have some more important matters to discuss with you. We recently found out that a double agent was placed within SHIELD about a month before you were taken. His name is Alexei Rostov, (Natasha froze) we believe he works for the Red Room but he has also been connected to Drakov. When I went into my office this morning, I found this on the floor, next to a...well, a pile of dead bodies."

Fury made to pass the photo in his hand to Natasha but she was still frozen to the spot, so Clint took it from him and immediately dropped it on the floor. Tony walked over nervously and retrieved it from the ground, his eyes widened. There on Fury's floor was the words 'kill Natalia' written in blood. This was Drakov's work and they all knew it. Natasha was the last one to look at the photo. It fell back onto the floor as she saw it.

"Nat, did you know the man that did this?" Bruce asked her, his voice soft as she nodded sadly. "What did he do to you?" Pepper was next to ask. Natasha dug her fingernails into Clint's hand so hard it drew blood, but he didn't move. "In the Room he used to..." Natasha closed her eyes as she remembered the horrible monster. "He was one of the men that raped me." Natasha hung her head in shame, tears forming. Clint pulled her close to him and she felt the warmth return to her body.

"We will find him Nat," Tony reassured her, "And when we do, you can kill him." His voice was angry. In fact, all of them had angry looks on their faces, anger against the men that had done this to her.

Natasha returned to her bed exhausted from the emotions raging inside her body. Clint lay next to her, calming her down and helping her sleep. He stayed awake the whole time, watching over Natasha. He didn't know how she had coped with everything that had happened to her, she was only 24 for god's sake! He would hunt down every one of the bastards that had ever hurt her and kill them. He knew Drakov hadn't expected her to survive her encounter with Ivan but he knew when Drakov did find her, and he would, he wouldn't waste any time killing her. But that wasn't going to happen. Clint would protect Natasha until every breath ran out in his body. He had promised that in Budapest.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Budapest! This is what I imagined would happen so here it is. And then we go back to the current situation. I forgot to say last chapter, Alexei Rostov is just someone I made up. Please review. Please. I am begging you.**

Clint and Natasha ran towards the quinjet as the flames engulfed the building behind them, getting hotter with every step. They were covered in bruises and scrapes, but nothing was too serious, they just had to get out of there. They could barely see the quinjet but they kept running, the flames gaining on them quickly. "Tasha?" Clint screamed at her. _Really, he was asking her something now? _"What, Barton?" she shouted back at him. "Will you marry me?"

Natasha was silent as they ran, and Clint knew he had screwed up. He should have left it, waited. He was snapped out of his thoughts as Natasha's hand slipped inside his. Her eyes were bright despite the danger they were running from. "Yes, Clint."

Clint was shocked. No, was more than shocked, he was completely stunned. He would have kissed her right there but they were almost at the quinjet and had to become just partners again. No one knew about their relationship. Well, except Coulson, but he wasn't going to tell.

The drug smugglers building they had infiltrated and then blown up, was a pile of ash behind them when they ran onto the quinjet, panting. They sat down next to each other and Natasha's hand longed to hold Clint's but she restrained herself, annoyed. She wished she could just be open about this whole thing but that was never going to happen. Fury would be so mad at them. They would probably lose their jobs, but couldn't he see how well they worked together, relationship or not? He would go on about how he had warned them not to get compromised in their line of work. Well, screw Fury, Natasha loved Clint and nothing could stop that. It felt weird for her to say love. She had never loved anyone before, but she decided that she liked it. Natasha sighed as she relaxed against the back of her seat.

Clint was already asleep as she looked over to him, and as she looked away, Coulson was smirking at her. Natasha gave him an icy glare, before letting exhaustion wash over her.

Clint was shaken awake by Coulson, who was smiling knowingly at him. It was kind of creepy. He groaned as the light hit his stormy blue eyes. Clint remembered everything that happened yesterday, and the corners of his mouth turned up. Natasha was going to marry him. He looked over next to him and Natasha was sleeping peacefully for the first time in what seemed like forever. All he had to do was place a hand to her shoulder, and she jolted awake, her eyes tired but alert. Clint felt her relax as she realised it was him and Clint smiled to himself.

Their wedding was _not_ glamorous. They had decided to get married in Budapest, the place they had first met. It seemed perfect for them. Natasha and Clint got married in a small room, wearing their normal SHIELD uniform, by Coulson, who somehow was qualified to do it. They made their vows that went something along the lines of they would protect each other for every mission and try not to get killed. It made sense in their lives. The rings were placed on their hands and after kissing passionately causing Coulson to turn slightly red, they grinned at each other. This was going to be one hectic marriage.

"When are we going to tell the others?" Clint lay next to Natasha in their bed.

Natasha thought for a while. "We can tell them we got together in, umm, 6 months. I think that would be a decent amount of time. We don't have to tell them that we're married though." She smiled at Clint. "Sounds like a plan," he replied.

6 months of married life later, Natasha and Clint told the others that they had gotten together. Everyone was happy for them, but they were clueless. They never suspected a thing. Maybe it was the fact that they both never wore their rings, keeping them together on the surface in their bathroom, but no one would ever know because no one ever went in there. It was simple, but clever.

Natasha was released from the SHIELD infirmary a day after her incident with Bobbi. She was glad to go home. She was glad she actually had a place to call home. Everything had changed for her since she left the Red Room.

Natasha and Clint arrived at the tower to find the others (apart from Coulson and Maria) sitting in the living room grinning. She looked up to find a giant sparkly banner saying 'welcome home Natasha!' it was cheesy but it meant a lot to her.

Tony had told her that they were going to drink until they couldn't remember their names. Clint, like the worried secret-husband-boyfriend he always was, protested saying that Natasha needed rest but she honestly thought she could use this. He was still worried, but let it pass.

The evening went past in a blur. Empty alcohol bottles and uneaten food littered the floor. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. Natasha had only felt this happy 2 times before, when she and Clint finally admitted their feelings to each other, and the day she had got married. There were no other times in her entire life.

The Avengers had ended up sitting on the floor in a circle, chatting to each other rather loudly. Tony had then decided that he was bored. "You know you guys, I love you all, but I don't know anything about you!" he said, his voice slurred. Everyone nodded, but Clint had noticed the look in Natasha's eyes and their hands locked together. She wasn't looking forward to this, but if everyone else was going to spill some of their secrets, she had to as well. It was time she opened up to them.

"So, we'll go round the circle. I'll ask a question and you have to answer it, that ok?" he was grinning at them. Mumbles of agreement came from them.

As the night went through, they had learnt a lot about the others, their favourite teddy bears when they were younger, their favourite films and other facts that didn't really need to be known.

Natasha was the only one to have the same answer every time. "I never had that as a child." It saddened them, but they kept drinking and talking. And then, the dreaded question came.

"Who was your first? No names have to be mentioned," Tony's voice was so slurred it was hard to understand. Thor looked confused but the look was gone when Jane whispered in his ear.

Steve reddened and Bruce looked down, but they were surprised when Tony said they could miss the question. Everyone knew they had rough experiences when it came to the bedroom. Steve had never got a chance to do it; after all he was frozen in ice for 70 years. Bruce simply couldn't, if his blood pressure got too high, and it undoubtedly would, there would be a big green problem for the lady he was with at the time. So they both sat and listened in silence.

"Mine," Pepper said shrugging, "was this boy I knew in college." "What about you Tony?"

Tony also shrugged. "Girl in a club I met." "Thor?"

"Mine was Lady Jane," he said beaming. Jane nodded and said Thor was hers also. "Clint?"

"This girl I met in the circus," remembering her fondly. Tony nodded.

And then it was Natasha's turn. She had been silently wishing they hadn't got to her, but it was sure to happen.

Tony looked up at Nat expectantly, but his smile vanished as he knew this wasn't the right question to ask her. Who knew when it had happened for her.

"Oh god, Nat no you don't have to answer!" Tony was trying to make her feel better by not telling them.

Natasha shook her head. "No, I should tell you." She took a deep breath and everyone was staring at her, uncertainty in their eyes.

"Ivan Petrovich," she whispered.

Tony started choking on his beer and it took a while before he, and the others calmed down. "Nat, how old were you?" his voice was filled with sadness.

"I don't really remember," Natasha said. "I think I was 6."

Clint was running his hand through her hair, comforting her. The others were staring at her, pain in their eyes.

A tear escaped her on of her eyes and she didn't bother to brush it back. Before anyone could say anything else, JARVIS's voice spoke loud and clear. "Sir, you have a knew message from Director Fury." A message popped up on the screen. As they read it, each of them knew that they were going to protect Natasha with all they had.

_We've found Rostov. And Drakov._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I seem very bad at remembering things because I also forgot to mention that in this, the Avengers already knew each other and were sort of friends, and then they became the Avengers. Yay. I also forgot the disclaimer thingy that I'm supposed to do. So disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or the Avengers, because if I did, I would have already made a fricking Clintasha movie series.**

**So anyway, I was going to write the next chapter tomorrow some time, but people asked for more so here I am. You know there's this button that some people like to call a 'review button'. And apparently, if you write something and then click it, it makes someone really happy! Please review, please, please, please. Big thank you to Loki Stole My Oreos for helping me come up with this chapter and to The21stquinn who puts a smile on my face every time they review or PM me. This chapter is a bit of background to Natasha's past when she was at the Red Room.**

Natasha was nervous. She sat on the quinjet with her head resting on Clint's arm and her legs outstretched. They were going back to Russia. Fury had found a trace of Rostov in one of the smaller Red Room bases, the one she had been trained at first. She moved up to the bigger and stricter base when she had proved herself to them.

Natasha could feel the air getting colder as the jet landed on the snowy ground. She didn't care, she had grown up in this weather. The Avengers walked out onto the shining white ground and looked around. There were in the middle of a huge forest, the base was about a mile out.

Natasha knew exactly which part they were in. They had taken her out in this exact spot to punish her. She was 9. She had survived a week with no food or water, making the decision to move her inevitable. She looked around trying to find the tree she had slept in for that week.

She spotted it and walked away from the others, however they followed. The tree looked exactly the same to the all the others, if you saw it at a glance. But the one special thing about it was it was hollow inside. She remembered wiggling in there, trying to get shelter and warmth.

"Nat, what are you doing?" Steve asked curiously.

"They sent me out here once, to punish me. I stayed inside this tree for a week without food or water before they came to see if I was dead or not." Natasha explained to the others.

Clint walked over to it and offered her a lift up. Natasha accepted and peered inside. It was exactly the same. The floor was clear, apart from a strip of bark she had used to sleep under.

A glint of red caught her eye, and she looked in further. She laughed slightly. Steve took over Clint's job of holding Natasha and Clint climbed up next to her. "What are you laughing at?" he asked her.

She pointed at a tuft of hair on the side of the tree. "That is 11 year old Natalia's hair." She smiled at him.

Clint shook his head. "I wonder what goes on inside your mind sometimes."

They both climbed down and landed silently. "It's about a mile to the base," Natasha told them. "I might be used to the Russian temperatures, but you sure aren't."

The others were already shivering.

They reached the base in a surprisingly short time. Natasha knew the exact way to the base, and they followed her silently. It was clear that this was going to be hard on Natasha, but she had to do this.

The Red Room base was a prison. They could see this when they reached the electric fence. There were watchtowers everywhere and guards patrolling the area every second. The building was a giant grey cube with shattered windows lining the wall. If this was the smaller base, then they had no idea what the most powerful one was like. How Natasha had gotten out of there 4 times amazed them.

It was easy sneaking in with Natasha leading them. She knew every inch of the place and they were in the building within 5 minutes.

It was exactly the same as Natasha remembered it. The same polished white walls and white ceiling. The same red doors with a million locks on them. The same doorway to the experimentation lab.

Tony wanted to get in, kill Rostov and Drakov, and get the hell out of there. The others agreed, but Natasha didn't.

"As much as I hate this place, Stark, and trust me I do, there's something I need to do first."

They followed her to another floor that was exactly the same as the last one, but Natasha knew where she was going. The one thing different to the last floor, was that there was a black door at the end of the corridor.

It was her room. She was the only one who had survived this base, the only one to move up and be named the Black Widow. Every girl that came here died eventually. That was why there were no girls here at the moment.

She led them down the corridor and they had the same confused look on their faces when she stepped in front of her door, but they didn't ask questions. This was personal to Tasha, and they let her continue picking each lock without saying a word.

The door swung open and Natasha stepped in. The others followed one by one.

They gasped at the scene in front of them. The floor was a dark red, which they then discovered was dried blood that hadn't been cleaned up. There were rusty chains and weapons everywhere, all covered in old blood. The only thing was clean in the room was a bed in the corner. Natasha walked slowly around the room, remembering every single time she had stepped in the room. Every time she had been chained to the wall and starved. Every time she had been pushed in, blood running out of her. Flashbacks were horrible.

"Natasha, how old were you, when you left here?" Bruce was the first one to speak out of all of them. "11. I stayed in this room every day before I left."

They imagined Natasha, a helpless girl, living in this hell hole for 6 years of her life. The scenes played through each of their heads, the times when she had stumbled in, fresh from a beating or experiment. It made them physically want to be sick.

Natasha sat down on the hard slab of metal she had called a bed. Clint sat next to her, smiling sadly at her. "Tash, why did we come in here?" he genuinely had no idea. Natasha stood up and walked over to the wall in front of the bed. In a matter of seconds, a panel had opened up, and Natasha stepped away. "I wanted all of you to see this."

Inside a panel in a wall, was what made Natalia Romanova. It was a collection of things from her childhood that she had managed to hide for all these years. Small drawings, a toy and a toothbrush were the first things they could see. As they explored further, they saw a couple of books, some jewellery, a picture of her long forgotten parents and a card that had all of her information written on it in her loopy handwriting. Small things, but they were the only things she had.

They stepped away from the panel and turned back round to Natasha who was still sitting on her "bed".

"They were the only things you had as a child?" Tony asked, sympathetic. He had everything as a child.

Natasha nodded and stood up. "I kept anything I could find in there, like a reminder that I was still human," Natasha said quietly.

Thor came up to her and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. He let go of her after a minute and smiled at her.

It was then they realised how little of a childhood she had actually had. Everything she had done was a lie. She was brainwashed and abused. She was alone, the only one to make it out alive and she was still sane. It didn't affect Natasha. She had never known any different. She didn't know what normal childhoods were like. She just settled for hers.

After a time of examining Natasha's childhood, they got up to leave. Natasha nodded at them. "Let's kill the bastards."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: You know what's coming. Please review! And there it is. Two words that you are probably sick of by now. Sorry. But please review, even if it's just one word, just please. I'm begging again. Please?**

**Message to The21stquinn: you are amazing.**

Natasha knew where Rostov and Drakov would be. There was a tiny office in a corridor that led from the experimentation lab, and it was the only place where the workers could relax from their busy lives of torturing helpless girls. It was a popular place to sit in, as you could watch the experiments take place each day on the giant screens that were in there. That was classed as fun there.

The other Avengers followed behind Natasha, taking in everything. They had only found out about her past around a month ago, so to actually see where it all took place was new for them. They didn't understand how anyone could actually put her through this hell. And it was hell. Everywhere they went there were rooms that Natasha had called the torture rooms. They were locked at all times until they were needed.

What was weird about all this was that Natasha wasn't as affected as they thought she would be when they came here. She was silent as they walked, only pointing out the different rooms she had been beaten up or trained in. But they knew that inside, she was being tortured all over again.

Natasha walked over to another red door, but it was bigger than all the rest they had seen and it didn't have any locks on it. Natasha took a deep breath as she pushed open the door.

The lab was exactly the same. She felt like she had turned into a 5 year old again, walking through the door for the first time, unsure of what would happen.

Steve stepped into the room first. Natasha followed, immediately breaking the security camera in the corner.

There was a metal slab in the middle of the room and trays surrounding it. They were full of needles and other medical instruments that looked extremely sharp. There were huge rubber wires hanging down from the ceiling just above the metal. Steve didn't ask, but Natasha knew what he was thinking. "This was the experimentation lab," she explained, "they chained us down to the metal and drugged us with enhancers and other things to improve us." "Then they would test our strength by attaching the wires to us and electrocuting us." She shuddered as she remembered the electricity ripping through her as she screamed.

Tony walked away from Natasha to the side of the room and found a small table with the folders stacked up on top of it. He picked one up and skimmed through it. He realised that this was the information about each girl that had come here. There was a photo attached, and every one he looked through had a red cross over it. He assumed that meant they had died. He searched through until he found Natasha's folder. Inside he found a picture of a scared 5 year old girl that had been taken from her home and everything she knew. He read the information.

_Name: Natalia Alianovna Romanova_

_Age: 5_

_D.o.B: Unknown_

Tony was confused. How could they not know her birthday? He continued reading.

_Eye colour: Green_

_Hair colour: Red_

_Number of times experimented on: 67_

_Tests passed: 100_

_Tests failed: 0_

_First kill: Russian traitor, age 50_

_Kill count so far: 250_

Tony threw the folder down. He couldn't continue. She had a kill count of 250. She was 5! How was that even possible? But the experiment numbers shocked him the most. How could a 5 year old girl survive 67 experiments? He glanced over to Natasha who was staring at the metal in the middle of the room, slightly pale.

How she had coped with this he would never know. Natasha looked up at Tony. She saw the folder and her eyes widened, knowing he had read it. "Natasha, how many times were you experimented on?" Tony asked, unsure if the number had increased. "150. They used to do it twice a week but it decreased when I got older."

150 times and she was still going. How? But there was one more question he needed the answer to, he wasn't sure that she would actually answer. He hesitated before asking. "And Nat, how many people have you killed?"

Natasha tensed and looked over to Clint. He nodded and gestured for her to tell them. "2576," she whispered.

Everyone was silent. No wonder she kept saying she needed to clear her ledger.

When they were done looking through the room, Natasha led them into a small plain corridor, with one door at the end. "They'll be down there," Natasha said. They didn't know how she knew, but then again there were a lot of things they _still _didn't know about her.

They silently walked over to the door and Natasha kicked it open. Rostov and Drakov jolted awake as they heard the sound.

When they looked up, there were guns pressed on their foreheads. Drakov gulped. He had planned to attack Natasha, instead of her attacking him. How had she found them?

Natasha meanwhile, was looking at Rostov. He was exactly the same, but his hair had gone grey. She remembered everything he had forced her to do for him and all she wanted to do was scream at him, but she forced herself to stay quiet.

Natasha wasn't going to question them, or take them to SHIELD. She was going to kill them, quickly. She wasn't going to prolong the deaths. She needed them dead.

Natasha looked Clint in the eyes and he nodded at her.

Before any of them could say anything, Rostov and Drakov were on the floor a bullet in each of their heads.

She walked away without blinking. She had an empty feeling inside of her, like a little bit of the darkness in her soul had gone. The others were looking at her a little sadly. They walked out of the room and they left in silence.

They sneaked out past the guards who were still unaware of their presence. They were going back into the forest when Natasha dropped down to an object on the ground. They heard a shrill beep and she told them to run.

Behind them, part of Natasha's past had exploded. They should have expected her to do that.

They were back in the quinjet within 5 minutes. They sat down, a little out of breath, but proud, not for themselves, but for Natasha. She had risked everything going back there but she still went and had showed them things they had never thought she would even talk about.

Natasha had fallen asleep against Clint but they knew it wouldn't be long before she woke up screaming. Half an hour later, it happened. Clint pulled Natasha out of her mind and walked her to the small bathroom that was on the quinjet.

They walked out together but didn't sit down. They had reached the SHIELD base. The Avengers walked out and saw Fury waiting for them. "Well done on your mission, Avengers."

They nodded and made to leave but Fury had shouted something at Clint and Natasha. Behind him, Phil was looking guilty.

"Have you got something to tell me Agents?" he called out to them.

Clint and Natasha ran for their lives.

They walked back to the Tower, where they found Pepper and Jane waiting for them, and Tony was looking suspiciously at them.

"JARVIS, what was Fury talking about?" "I am not sure I am authorized to say anything sir."

Clint looked at Natasha and she smiled at him. "Go ahead JARVIS."

JARVIS's automated voice spoke again. "Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff got married in Budapest 1 year ago, sir."

Everyone's jaw dropped. Clint and Natasha grinned at them.

**So I wanted to bring back Natasha's daughter but then I realised she got shot in the head. Have any of you guys got suggestions? Or do you even want that to happen? Maybe the one that died was a clone, I don't know. Please help me! **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: thank you so much for all the reviews! You really are nice people! So I had quite a few suggestions for the whole Natasha's daughter situation, but I decided to choose the most common one that seemed likely to happen. So mini Natasha is 8 years old now. Once again please review. I'm not going to beg this time because you guys were so nice to me last chapter. So thank you.**

Natasha was sitting on a bench outside the Avengers Tower, getting some air. She and Clint had been in fits of laughter when they saw the shocked expressions on everyone's faces when they had told them that they were married, and then they were asked a million questions at once. She had left them in the Tower with Clint. He would have to do all the talking, but it didn't concern him, he did that anyway.

Natasha didn't look around when she felt someone sit next to her. After all, it wasn't her bench, anyone could sit there. She continued to sit in silence, thinking.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt two small arms wrap around her waist. She whipped round to find a small, red headed girl looking up at her with bright green eyes.

Natasha's breaths started to quicken as thoughts raced threw her head. It couldn't be her. She died. She had seen the whole thing. But then why would a stranger be hugging her?

Natasha looked up and saw two brown haired people looking at her and smiling. She looked at them, confused.

When they nodded back at her, she had to go and throw up in a nearby bush.

"She's been asking about you ever since she came to us, Miss Romanoff." The woman pointed to the girl.

"But how-" Natasha couldn't get the words out of her mouth. "She died, I saw it happen! They buried her!"

"She didn't die, Natasha. The bullet may have gone into her head, but the shot was perfectly aimed so that it wouldn't do any damage. As for the burial, that was a fake memory to make you think it was real."

Natasha couldn't believe this. Was the girl sitting next to her really her daughter?

"How did she get out of the Room?"she whispered.

The man was talking now. "You wouldn't believe that her father drove her into the nearest city, soon after he shot her, but he did."

No. Ivan would never have done that. Would he? She knew that he broke the rules when it came to his daughter, but this sounded like it was too much. But then she wouldn't be here now.

"Before you ask, she remembers everything. The Red Room didn't get the chance to do anything to her."

Natasha looked down to the smiling girl that was next to her. She was 8 now.

"How do you know all this?"

"Ivan told us everything. He told us to protect her, and that he was doing this for you, so you could become the true Black Widow."

That bastard.

The small girl nudged Natasha. She looked round to see her holding out a necklace.

Natasha broke down in tears. It was her. She had given her that necklace for her third birthday. It was a golden chain with the letter N hanging down from it. It was simple, but it was all she could find.

"We've come to bring her back to you, Natasha. We believed that this would be the right time."

"Tasha, is it really you?"

Her daughter nodded and jumped up into her lap, resting her head against her mother's shoulder. Natasha couldn't speak. All this time she had been alive. And she was getting her back.

"Miss Romanoff, would you like to have your daughter back now?"

Natasha nodded silently. Her daughter climbed down off of her so she could stand up.

"Thank you so much. There is nothing else I can say." Natasha looked at them, her eyes shining with happiness.

"It's not a problem. We knew that this day would come and we are very happy for you. We will have to leave now, but we wish you all the best."

Natasha watched as her daughter hugged them and said goodbye (in a perfect American accent) and they had gone before she even got their names.

Mother and daughter gripped each other's hands tightly. After 5 years of Natasha thinking she was dead, they were finally reunited.

"So where are we going Mama?" Natasha said to her mother.

She looked down at her. "I'm going to take you to meet my husband, and my best friends," she said, her voice was a little higher than usual. They walked hand in hand into the Tower and got into the lift in comfortable silence.

When they reached the living room, Natasha hesitated for a second. She wasn't sure how they were going to take this. She wasn't even sure this was real.

She pushed the door open slowly and they walked in.

"Hey Nat-" Tony said, but stopped as soon as he saw them both.

It was silent. Clint walked over to his wife. "Nat, is this...your daughter?"

Natasha nodded and smiled at him. "She's alive Clint."

Clint stared at her, and then looked down to her daughter. "Hello, Natasha, I'm Clint, your Mama's husband" he said to her. Natasha held out her hand and he shook it lightly, smiling in disbelief.

Natasha was introduced to everyone else and everyone instantly loved her. She was a spitting image of Natasha. "You know since you two have the same names, it's going to start to get frustrating after a while," Tony said. He thought for a while and everyone waited for him to speak again. "We should call her Tiny, because she's a tiny version of you!"

Everyone laughed at him, but the red headed girl stepped forward. "I like Tiny," she said. Natasha smiled and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Then Tiny it is."

She couldn't believe this was real. For anyone else, they would have thought it was a dream. But Natasha didn't get dreams. Only nightmares. It finally looked like things were starting to get better for her.

Natasha spent every minute of every day with her daughter. They had a lot to catch up on. There weren't any questions about the Red Room asked. There were a lot of things Natasha had told her daughter before she "died" and she didn't actually need to know anything else.

She did find out a lot of things about her daughter though. She had been taken to the Winchester family in Florida. She lived a normal life for 5 years, but never forgot the things that had happened. She got on with her school work and made a lot of friends. Natasha knew it was best for her that she had been taken from her. As long as she had a childhood, she would be happy. She just wished she remembered the 5 years that she actually had one.

Clint was known as Tiny's father from the day they met. They got on perfectly, and Clint loved her. He secretly longed for a child of his own with Natasha, but he would never tell her, she had to be ready.

Natasha had two people to wake her up from her nightmares now. Although they weren't about her daughter anymore, she had a whole load of bad experiences. Clint would wake her up and take her to the bathroom (she tended to throw up from every nightmare now) and when she was done, Tiny bounded in and hugged her.

For once in her life, Natasha felt complete.

**So now we have Tiny! Anything you want to happen in the next chapter? If so, tell me! I probably won't be able to update until Sunday because I am busy tomorrow and Saturday. I know, I'm sorry. But you guys are amazing and I know (hope) that you won't mind. :) one more thing, if you PM me some of my messages sometimes send twice, I don't know why, but I'm just telling you.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: so I know I said I wasn't going to update until Sunday, but this just popped up into my head. It doesn't really fit the plot, it's just a bit of background to when Natasha first came to America, but the story will continue on Sunday. Yay. Also, Jane and Thor, and Pepper and Tony, are already together at this point, Thor came to earth earlier than in the movie-verse.**

Natasha was confused by the American culture. They had weird ways of doing things, very different to the way things were in Russia. They had weird food, but most of it wasn't even from there. Clint had laughed at her when she said she hadn't had a cheeseburger. His smile faltered as he saw that she was telling the truth. They spent the whole day eating burgers in front of the TV watching movies. That was another thing Natasha hadn't done. They didn't do things just because they wanted to in Russia. They did everything for a purpose; Natasha's was trying to stay alive.

So when Clint asked her if she wanted to go shopping with some friends of his, she was lost. "Why?" she asked.

"What do you mean why? So we can buy stuff of course!" he shook his head in disbelief at her.

"Have we run out of anything?" she was still confused. They had everything they needed in their small apartment last time she checked.

Clint didn't answer, he walked over to Natasha and dragged her out of the door with him, despite her protests. She could have taken him down easily, but she needed answers, so she followed him.

They got into one of the stuffy taxis and they were driven into the city centre, where all the big shops were. Natasha stepped out of the cab and winced. It was way too loud.

Clint held her by the arm and walked her over to a small coffee shop on the corner of the street. They walked in, Clint still holding Natasha's arm, and the smell hit Natasha suddenly. Natasha had never had coffee, but if this is what it smelt like, she didn't like it.

Clint led her through the many tables over to the corner where a group of 6 people were sat waiting for him. Natasha inspected them all. There was a very rich man with a neatly presented ginger woman holding hands with him, a small man with glasses, a well built blonde man and an almost giant who had his arm wrapped around another smaller woman. Natasha made up her mind that they looked very weird.

They each smiled at Clint, but their faces fell into a look of confusion when they saw Natasha. She looked back at them blankly.

Clint pulled Natasha down into the seat next to him, and encouraged her to introduce herself.

"Um, my name is Natasha Romanoff," she said to them, a hint of her Russian accent coming through.

They each introduced themselves to her, a small hint of confusion still on their faces. "What's she doing here?" Bruce asked Clint, the others were watching him.

Clint sighed. "She is also known as the Black Widow." Shocked expressions looked back at him. Natasha fidgeted uncomfortably in her chair, looking down.

"That's not the Black Widow!" Tony was the first one to speak out of all of them. "I thought she was that psychotic Russian killer?"

Before Clint could answer, Natasha shot up out of her chair and stormed towards the door. Clint made to go after her, but to his surprise, Pepper got up. "Let me, Clint." He nodded slightly and sat back down, glaring at Tony.

Pepper walked calmly after Natasha. She suspected she just needed to talk to someone.

Pepper found Natasha sitting on the floor, her head in her hands, outside the shop.

She didn't want to sit down with her, she was wearing a plain white dress, and she didn't want to ruin it by sitting in the gutter with someone she had never met before.

Natasha looked up at Pepper and then back down to the floor. "It is clean you know," she told Pepper.

Pepper looked down to the dark mud mixed with other things she didn't even want to think about. But she was a little surprised. What sort of person found that clean? Pepper reached out her hand to Natasha. Natasha looked up at her, nervously. Pepper withdrew her hand. "Have I offended you?"

Natasha shook her head. "No one has ever tried to help me up from the floor before. They would usually kick me repeatedly so that I would stay down," she said quietly. She subconsciously rubbed her side, noticed and tried to pass it off. Pepper noticed. She sat down, not caring about her dress, next to Natasha. "Can I see?"

Natasha hesitated before lifting the side of her top up to show Pepper. Pepper gasped at the sight. There were deep scars scratched up most of the side of her stomach. "What?" Natasha looked down to her side.

"You see the scars, right?" she asked nervously. Natasha shrugged. "They're the smallest ones."

Who was this woman? And how old was she to get all of these scars, and call them small?

As if Natasha had read her mind, she spoke again. "I'm 20, before you ask."

Pepper gulped and gestured for Natasha to stand up. Natasha took her hand, and got up from the floor.

"Why do you shop, if you don't need anything?" Natasha asked Pepper suddenly.

"So we can get things that we like, for pleasure I guess. Have you never done that?" Pepper was bewildered at her question.

Natasha shook her head.

"Well I am taking you shopping then!" Pepper exclaimed, and she walked Natasha back into the coffee shop.

Natasha would never truly get used to it here, but one thing she did know was that she was already beginning to like Pepper.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: so the next chapter is here! Huge thanks to Ainsley Wright who told me this was the best idea for this chapter, so thank you. I kinda want to write more about Natasha's past after writing the last chapter, but it's up to you guys, so tell me! I also want to write more about Pepper, Jane and Natasha becoming friends, but just tell me if you don't want that. Review! Please! **

Natasha had started taking Tiny to school a week after she had got her back. On the first day, she and Clint stood outside the school building, waiting for the teacher to come and talk to them about Tiny. Apparently that's what they did to every new pupil. They got a lot of weird looks. After all, they were the famous Black Widow and Hawkeye, known for saving the world. The other parents stood gawping at them. No one knew Natasha had a daughter but there were a lot of things people didn't know about her.

Clint took her hand as he saw the nervous look in her eyes. She looked at him and he reassured her that everything would be fine. She nodded and looked back to her daughter. Tiny was grinning at her, her eyes shining. Natasha couldn't help but smile back.

After a while, a small woman came to greet them and started explain the way the school worked. They could tell she was nervous, but who wouldn't be if they had to talk to a Russian assassin and her husband? The teacher finished talking to them and walked back into the building, leaving Natasha to say goodbye to Tiny. Before Tiny left, she gestured for Natasha to kneel down in front of her. Natasha obeyed in confusion, but the look was gone when Tiny whispered something in her ear.

Tiny left and Natasha stood up to find Clint looking at her, his expression was worried and confused. Natasha shook her head, and he let it pass reluctantly. What had Tiny said to her?

They walked back to the Avengers Tower hand in hand, still a little shocked about everything that was going on. Natasha had never been to school, she learnt everything at the Red Room, so she wasn't sure how Tiny would cope. She had said she got on well at her old school, so Natasha assumed she would be fine. Clint was just happy for her. Finally things had started to turn out alright for Natasha. Her whole life had been full of pain and misery, and this seemed to be the turning point for her. But he still couldn't help but notice how tired she looked. She had slight dark circles under her eyes, and had to stifle her yawns too often. When they got back, he would force her to go to sleep, hoping that she wouldn't get a nightmare until the early morning. They seemed to happen the most often at that time.

Clint and Natasha got back and headed for the shared living room. JARVIS had told them that the others were there. They walked in together and saw the others practically crying at a film on the screen. She didn't need to know what it was, so she didn't ask. She tried to hide another yawn, but failed. She really needed some sleep.

Clint seemed to think so to, as he looked at her knowingly. "Natasha. Bed. Now." He said firmly. She looked at him in surprise and defiance, but he held the expression, and Natasha gave in.

She sighed, and Clint walked with her to their room. "If you're not awake, I'll pick Tiny up on my own, ok?" he asked her. Natasha nodded at him as she felt the weeks of not sleeping crash down on her. Within a few minutes, she was sleeping deeply.

Natasha was still asleep when Clint went out to pick Tiny up from school. He felt extremely proud of himself for actually making her give in, it was not something that just anyone could do. Besides, she needed it.

He was waiting outside her classroom, and tried to spot her in the crowd of children that were pouring out of the doors. When he finally did spot her, she nearly made him pass out.

"Papa!" Tiny exclaimed, jumping into his arms. Clint froze, speechless. "Oh...I mean Clint." Tiny had realised her mistake and was kicking herself for saying it. But Clint shook his head.

"Tiny," he said calmly, releasing her from his arms, "Do...do you want me to be...you know." He was still in shock.

Tiny gulped. "Yes," she whispered.

"Like, adoption, or something?" he asked her, whispering as well.

Tiny looked up at him with her bright green eyes. She nodded at him slowly. Clint grinned at her and lifted her up into an almighty hug, making her giggle. "It would be my genuine pleasure, Tiny." Tiny grinned back at him.

When they got back to the Tower, both still beaming with delight, Natasha was amazingly still sleeping. They tiptoed in silently and sat down gently on the bed next to her. She was peaceful when she was asleep. She looked much younger, and strangely happy. Clint shook her gently to wake her up, and was greeted with a moan from Natasha. She sat up rubbing her eyes, and winced as the sunlight poured in from the window. Clint and Tiny were grinning toothily at her. "What?" she asked suspiciously.

"Tasha, Tiny wants me to adopt her."

Natasha nearly fell off the bed. She looked round to Tiny who nodded at her. Natasha grinned. She was finally going to have a proper family.

After a few minutes of non-stop talking, they went downstairs to tell everyone else.

Steve looked up at Clint, Natasha and Tiny as they walked in. He saw the happy look on their faces as soon as they walked in. He figured he would be finding out what had happened soon. The others had noticed as well, and were looking at them with questions burning in their minds.

Clint broke the silence. "I'm going to adopt Tiny," he said happily.

Squeals of delight and happiness erupted from the room. Pepper and Jane ran up to Natasha and engulfed her in a hug, while Steve, Thor, Tony and Bruce went and congratulated Clint.

Pepper and Jane walked Natasha and Tiny over to the table they had been sitting at and started discussing everything that had happened.

The boys left the room and went to another floor to play football, as boys do.

After talking for a while, Pepper and Jane had stopped questioning Natasha. They were truly happy for their best friend.

Somehow, they had ended up talking about the first time each of them had met. Natasha remembered meeting both of them very well, especially Pepper. She didn't know why she showed her some of her small scars, but she felt better for it. She had met Jane through Thor. Natasha was still getting used to America, and Jane had helped her a lot. She was one of the only people who had been nice to her because she wanted to, and that was what Natasha liked about her. She was a truly good person and could help you out with anything.

"Are they still there?" Pepper asked Natasha. She looked down to Tiny and gestured at her left side. Tiny seemed to know what she was talking about and she nodded to Natasha.

"Yeah, they are."

Pepper looked at her with sympathy. Jane looked at Pepper with confusion. Pepper explained, "The first time I met Natasha, Tony had been really rude her. She was sitting outside on the dirty floor, and when I offered to help her up, she didn't know what I was doing. She told me that no one had helped her from the floor before, and..and they just beat her to make her stay there. She showed me some scars from when they had done it to her." Jane looked over to Natasha who was rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Can..can we see?" Pepper asked her cautiously. It was a very personal subject for Natasha.

Natasha lifted the side of her top up just like she had done 5 years ago. Pepper and Jane grimaced. The scars were lighter now, but they were still clearly visible. Natasha let her top drop down and looked back at them.

"What I don't get though, is why you think that they're so bad?" Natasha had always wondered, because compared to other scars, those ones were non-existent. Jane gasped at her. "But, Nat, they go all the way up your side, and they are quite deep!" Jane was worried about Natasha. She knew what happened in her past, and had even seen some of it, but how bad was it really? Natasha never explained in detail.

Tiny spoke up. "You should see the one on her leg," she said, not thinking.

Natasha glared at her daughter. She didn't want to bring that up. Tiny smiled innocently.

Pepper looked at Natasha. She sighed and stood up. She couldn't just leave it now, they had to see. She had gotten the scar from a particularly bad punishment at the Room, including fire, guns and knives. She didn't want to remember that day. Only Clint and Tiny knew about it. Clint had listened to her story and comforted her after she had told him. He knew the stories to most of her scars now, and it made Natasha feel slightly better about them. Of course, Tiny was there when some of them had been put there, but she didn't know all of them.

Natasha lifted the right leg of her leggings up, preparing herself as she lifted it higher to her thigh.

The scar covered most of her thigh, and continued down just below her knee. Pepper and Jane stared at Natasha, mouths wide open. Their eyes were filled with tears. Natasha looked down to it and shuddered as the memory came rushing back. She felt a tear escape but didn't bother to wipe it away.

She rolled the material back down to cover it. Pepper and Jane walked up to her and hugged her tightly. They would never know the pain she had been through, could never begin to imagine what they had done to her, but they could be there to comfort her. That's what best friends were for.

**LINE BREAK LINE BREAK**

A few days after Tiny had said she wanted to be adopted, Natasha and Clint were standing outside a small office, waiting for the man to come back and say their paperwork had gone through. The process was sped up very quickly because Tony paid the adoption service a _lot_ of money. Well, he was a billionaire. Clint and Natasha had been asked a lot of questions and answered them with ease. They just wanted to be a family. The man that had questioned them came back smiling. He handed them the paperwork that made Clint Tiny's father. He was almost dancing around the room with joy. He took the piece of paper, his hands shaking slightly. He skimmed through it. It was mainly facts and figures, but the most important line was the last. _Clint Barton is now father to Natasha 'Tiny' Romanoff._

They left the building smiling. Clint couldn't stop staring at the paper. He was a father.

They got back to the Tower and Tiny immediately ran up to them and hugged them tightly. "I love you Papa," she whispered in Clint's ear and he almost died from the joy coursing through his body. He had a family now, and he would never let them go.

**A/N: so I need you guys to tell me if you want some chapters about Natasha's past and her friendship with Pepper and Jane, or you just want me to continue with the plot? Help! **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: so another chapter about Natasha's first time in America. Natasha meets Jane and bonds with Clint. Yay. So I will be doing some more about her past now along with the plot, which is going to get worse for Natasha and the others again.**

Natasha was living with Clint when she first moved to America. He had convinced SHIELD that it would be better because he didn't want to see the trouble she would cause if she stayed at SHIELD. She had her own room and she barely came out of it, just to get food or when Clint took her out to see his friends.

Natasha didn't like his friends. They looked at her weirdly and were suspicious of her. She could understand that, but they should be polite enough to actually not show it. The only person she did like was Pepper. She was nice to Natasha and had made Tony apologise to her for being rude. Natasha had decided she didn't like Tony.

Natasha hadn't told any of them about her nightmares yet. She hadn't told anyone about them. She had hoped they would go away, but they never did. This resulted in her staying up the whole night staring into space. If Clint found out, he would be really angry at her. But it wasn't any of his business. Her life was messed up, and she didn't want to tell anyone about it.

For some reason, Clint had invited her to sleep over at Tony's house with the others. She moaned (a lot), but Clint never gave in. They arrived at Tony's mansion, Clint had an overnight bag, but Natasha didn't bring anything. She didn't have anything to bring. She had been living on the streets when she left the Red Room. She liked being out on her own, but you start to get frustrated when you haven't eaten for a week. But Natasha was used to it.

The doorbell rang, and Thor was there, his loud voice welcoming them in. Natasha stayed behind Clint. She had decided that she didn't like Thor either.

"Clint, why do I have to do this?" she whined.

Clint was silent as he led her into the giant living room. He didn't like answering her questions, because she would just not understand and ask more.

Clint jumped onto the sofa next to Bruce and Thor and started talking. Tony and Steve walked in with drinks and placed them on the glass table in front of them and then sat down with Clint.

Natasha stood in the doorway, her mouth wide open. She had never seen anything so big and glamorous. How could Tony afford all of this? Tony noticed Natasha at the doorway and stopped talking.

"Natasha, are you going to come in?" he asked her, everyone was staring at her now.

Natasha couldn't stop staring. Her bright green eyes took in everything.

"How can you afford all this?" she answered him with her own question. Tony glanced over to Clint, who shrugged. "I took over my father's company and got all of his money when he died. Why? Surely you've been inside a mansion before, with your line of work?"

Natasha shook her head. "Nat, where did you live before I found you?" Clint was asking her questions now. "An abandoned warehouse." She shrugged like it was no big deal. She saw the food on the table and her mouth dropped open again. There was so much there, she barely got a piece of bread a week. And they ate this every day? She thought Clint had a lot of food but this was something else. "How often did you get to eat?" Bruce had seen her reaction to the food.

"Um, I usually managed to get a bit of bread about every two weeks." She walked over to one of the chairs opposite the sofa Clint was sitting on, and sat down.

It was silent. Natasha looked at them curiously. What had she said that was wrong? The silence was starting to annoy Natasha.

"What?" she said forcefully. "Two weeks Natasha? Doesn't that bother you?" Steve asked.

"Why would it? I went without food for a month once, what's the big deal?"

"No offence, but shouldn't you be dead?" Tony said seriously. At the question Natasha froze. She should be but she wasn't. She hated the things people had done to her and she would never be able to change it. Tony was talking again. "How messed up do you have to be to survive without food for a month?" he said without thinking. His hand went to his mouth as he realised what he had said. Natasha was already gone.

Tony rang Pepper as soon as he had made Natasha go storming off through his mansion. "Hey Pepper, I might have done something bad again," he said guiltily. "Tony, what now?"

"I offended Natasha again." "She went out of the room we're in and we're too scared to go after her." He heard Pepper sigh at his words. "I'll be over in a minute, and tell Thor I'm bringing Jane." Tony hung up the phone and told Thor about Jane, causing him to grin widely. He truly loved Jane.

True to her word, Pepper and Jane were at Tony's mansion in about a minute. She glared at Tony as he opened the door.

"Where is she?" Pepper asked.

"We don't actually know." Tony looked down in guilt. It was going to take a while to find her, Tony's house was huge.

When Pepper finally found Natasha, she didn't speak to her. Instead she went back to get Thor, she wanted him to introduce Jane. They walked up to the bedroom Natasha was in silently, and Pepper found her in exactly the same position. They walked round the side of the bed and Thor spoke softly. "Lady Natasha, this is Jane Foster, I wanted you to meet her," he said softly. He then walked away leaving just Jane and Pepper.

Natasha looked up to them from where she was sitting, and they could see the tear stains down her cheeks. Pepper sat down next to her, but Natasha was silent.

Finally she spoke, "Hi Jane," she said quietly. "Hey," Jane replied softly. She could tell that Natasha was different just by looking at her and the way she acted.

Pepper didn't know how to cheer Natasha up. She was a very secretive person, but she did reveal a lot without knowing it.

Natasha had recovered from Tony's words when Pepper and Jane had got there. She stood up shakily and Pepper followed. "You look like you could use a hug," Pepper said to her. Natasha looked at her strangely.

"A what?"

Pepper looked at Jane who was staring at Natasha in shock. "You know, I think you should ask Clint," she said finally. Natasha shrugged and walked out with them.

The evening went past quickly for Natasha. She spent most of her time with Pepper and Jane (Natasha had decided that she liked Jane) and they were telling her all the things about America, and she listened quietly.

When the others wanted to sleep, Natasha didn't say anything. She knew she would be awake again. She watched as they settled down on the sofas and on the floor and as Tony talked to a computer inside his house. They were all asleep quickly. Natasha wished she could be like them, not worrying that the demons would come and haunt her at night, but that would never happen. She sat awake, listening to the slow breaths of the people in the room.

Clint woke up from his sleep to see Natasha sitting up, staring into space. Why wasn't she asleep? He stood up quietly and walked over to her. She looked at him, guilty that he had found her awake. He gestured for her to stand up and she obliged, following him into another room.

"Why aren't you sleeping Natasha?" he asked her quietly.

"I...I have nightmares." She looked at him sadly. "Tell me, Natasha. You don't have to be afraid." He could see the look in her eyes. She hesitated before telling him the horrifying story of her past. He was silent the whole time. When she finished, he looked deep into her eyes, and he could see the pain and fear.

Pepper had told him she didn't know what a hug was. he decided now would be the perfect time to show her. He pulled her into a tight embrace and she tensed. Clint had no idea what he was doing, but he continued to hug her. She finally relaxed against his chest. At that moment, Natasha decided that she liked hugs.

**A/N: aww wasn't that cute? So if you liked the chapters with her past, then please tell me! The next chapter should be up later today (hopefully) but I still have to think of what will happen. Please review...and tell me if you want anything to happen in this, I love getting new ideas!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: so you find out what Tiny whispered in Natasha's ear. Review please...**

Clint had wondered what Tiny had said to Natasha that day. Whenever he tried to ask them about it, they looked at him innocently and went back to whatever they were doing at the time. It must've been important, because Natasha told him everything. But he would find a way to get the answer out of her some day. He was a patient man, it was his job, but it was starting to frustrate him now. When he eventually found out, he wished he hadn't.

Natasha couldn't tell Clint. She knew he was worried about her, but this was the only thing she would never tell anyone. It would affect them too much. The truth was, Natasha took a drug once a month to keep her from dying. It was a Red Room rule, if one of their agents betrayed them, they would need to die. They had given each one of them a drug that killed them when they reached the age of 24. The Red Room would make new agents every day, they had no need for keeping the girls longer than they needed to. Natasha was already 24, but she had discovered a drug that would be more powerful than the one that was in her blood, and if she took it once a month she wouldn't die. She had stored it in a cupboard in her single room at the Tower. It was thanks to Tiny that she wasn't dead right now. Being tortured and in a coma for 3 weeks affects your memory for small, but major, things. Along with everything else she had to deal with, it never looked good for Natasha. Tiny had reminded her that day outside of the school, and she knew that she would keep forgetting. It was something to do with her having a lot of psychological damage.

Natasha had forgotten again.

Tiny was away for the day, she was staying at one of her new friend's houses. Natasha had said it was fine, and she was forced to meet the girl's parents when she had picked Tiny up from school. They were nice though, and Natasha got along with them.

Natasha knew that she would forget and end up dead one day. She should have told someone, but she was too scared to. When she thought about it, it was stupid. So the day that she was supposed to take the drug had passed, and she didn't have anyone to remind her. The day after was hell.

Natasha knew what was happening as soon as it started.

It was mid morning, and the Avengers were eating a late breakfast. They were lazy, there was no doubt about it, so getting up late was normal for most of them. Clint and Natasha got up the earliest. They would train and then spar before the others got up. They never ate breakfast alone, they were polite enough to wait for everyone else. Natasha and Clint had their hands locked together, using the other to eat their toast. Everyone was talking happily, whether it was about science, work, fighting skills or movies, it didn't matter, it was nice to have small talk sometimes.

That's when Natasha's hearing went strange. She shrieked, dropping her toast and letting go of Clint's hand, and covered her ears with her hands.

"Natasha?" Clint asked her. What was happening?

She shouted out again as his voice reached her ears and amplified through her skull. "Stop talking!" she screamed at them. They stared at her, shocked at her sudden outburst. Clint reached out to touch her and his finger connected with her arm, causing her to scream at him. It was like she had just been burnt. She backed away from them, red filling her vision. They had no idea what to do. They didn't even know what was happening.

Natasha could feel the pain invading her brain. Her heartbeats were getting quicker as she struggled for breath. She was on the floor now. She had no idea how she had got there. She couldn't save herself. She should have remembered. She started coughing, blood spilling from her mouth covering the floor below her. The breaths were getting more desperate now. She couldn't talk, couldn't tell Clint what to do. She wheezed, trying to get air, but she was choking on her own blood, it was pouring out of her mouth not stopping for a second. She used all of her will power and strength to speak to Clint.

"Bedroom...cupboard." She was shaking uncontrollably. Clint sprinted out of the room at her words.

Death had played her before. She came so close to dying on a daily basis, but was dragged back just before the darkness. Natasha wasn't afraid of dying. She had been trained to prepare for it her whole life. The one thing she was afraid of was someone else dying. She had a family, and if anything happened to them, she didn't know how she would cope. It seemed that she was meant to be alone in this world. Eventually, she would lose everyone that was close to her.

Natasha couldn't control the pain coursing through her body. It was like everything that had happened to her in her life was rolled up into a massive explosion of pain. She couldn't help but scream. Her back arched as jolts of pain flew through her body. The blood was restricting her airways, but every time she took a breath another scream ripped from her throat. The Red Room really knew how to kill people.

When all this was going on, Clint rushed into Natasha's room, searching for her cupboard. It was in the corner of the room and he ran to it, ripping the doors open. Syringe after syringe stacked up from the bottom of the cupboard. Clint didn't have time to think about what it was. He picked one up and ran out and down to the kitchen, to find Natasha screaming and writhing around, choking on her own blood.

Clint stabbed the needle into her leg, hoping for the best.

Natasha stopped screaming. She coughed up more blood, but it had stopped flowing out from her. Her breaths were shaky as she sat up and grabbed onto Clint's strong arm for support. He looked at her, confusion, shock and pain in his eyes. He lifted her up silently. He had no idea what had just happened. Why didn't she tell him something was wrong? He looked at her for an explanation. Natasha looked back at Clint, recovering from her- well whatever it was. The others were looking at her, the same look that Clint had in their eyes. She had no idea why she didn't tell them.

She explained everything to them. The drug, the Red Room's desire to kill people, how she was the only one to survive. When she had finished, Clint held her against him. She relaxed against his chest, and he wrapped arms around her. Natasha fell asleep in his arms. She was pretty sure that she didn't need the drug anymore, due to her nearly dying from the other one it had been fighting off. The drug was out of her system, finally, and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Tiny would be thrilled.

Clint laid Natasha down on the small sofa that was at the side of the kitchen. He looked back to the others who were smiling sadly at him. They would never truly be able to help Natasha, but they could try.

**A/N: I know. Two chapters in one day! What?! Review please, I means so much to me!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I know I am sorry for not updating for a few days! Another past chapter, this is about Natasha and the guys, having a bit of a break from Pepper and Jane, I feel like I have talked enough about them now. Review! **

Clint felt bad for Natasha. She had been taken from her country to a completely different one, and had not got used to it at all. Every time someone did something new, she would jump back, her eyes widening in fear and confusion.

She couldn't get over the fact that they had so much freedom there. Clint had been sent to Russia to kill her, but made a different call. She deserved a new life, but he would never know what she had been through. He didn't know how she was coping with the sudden change, or if she was coping at all. She was a master of hiding her emotions, but she was showing them more often than she realised. Like the look of shock on her face when she saw how much money Clint had, or how much food there was in their apartment.

He had tried to get Natasha to like his friends, but it was clear she didn't like them (it was obvious whenever she saw Tony). So he got her to go out with them as much as he could. It would take a bit of work, but Natasha would eventually warm up to them. Hopefully.

"Clint, I don't like your friends, why do I have to go out with them again?" Natasha called out to Clint from her bedroom; he had said they were going out for dinner so she had to dress nicely.

"Natasha, this again? Just try and be polite for once!" Clint shouted back. It had been like this every time they went out.

Clint heard Natasha mutter something in Russian before he heard the unlocking of her door. Clint gasped. She was beautiful. Natasha was wearing a red dress that went just below her knee and hugged her curves, and her hair was pulled up with a few red curls framing her face. Clint shuffled nervously. He was wearing a plain black suit with a purple tie, he felt underdressed compared to her. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him but walked past silently, glaring at him.

Clint drove them both to a posh restaurant to meet the others there. It was really expensive, but Tony was paying. Natasha had the familiar look of shock on her face as they walked into the restaurant. It would be an understatement to say it was glamorous. Clint pushed Natasha forward to the table where he had seen his friends. Natasha couldn't hide the look of annoyance as he pushed her to her chair.

"Where are Pepper and Jane?" Natasha asked suddenly, turning to face Clint. Clint looked at Thor. "Lady Pepper and Lady Jane will not be dining with us tonight."

Natasha sighed. Clint knew she had found some sort of friendship with the two women. Tony glanced up at Natasha. "Um, Natasha, I, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for the times I've offended you," he looked back down to the table cloth, his face reddening.

Natasha looked back at Tony, confusion in her eyes. "Why?" she asked him curiously. Clint made an exasperated sound and put his head in his hands. Tony looked back at Natasha who was staring at him. "What?" Why wasn't she accepting his apology?

"Well aren't you happy that you have hurt me in some way?" her voice had the same confused tone, but there was a hint of bitterness mixed in there somewhere. They stared at her disbelievingly. "I- no! Why would I be?" Tony replied a little shocked at her statement.

Natasha's head tilted slightly to the side as she studied Tony's expression. "Clint," she whispered to him, "What do I say?"

Clint lifted his head and looked into her eyes. The fear, pain and confusion were mixing with rage as she remembered everything.

Clint whispered in her ear telling her what to say.

"Tony...I accept...your apology," she said, hesitating. Tony smiled at her and Natasha relaxed.

"Natasha why are you so confused about all this?" Steve gestured to her and Tony, but she knew he meant everything else as well. "America is nothing like Russia. Well the part I grew up in anyway. You have different ways of doing things."

"I'm not trying to be rude, but not knowing what a hug is, and not knowing how to accept an apology? How can you not know?" Steve was worried about her. It was true they had only met a few weeks ago, but it was the sort of man he was.

Natasha paused, thinking of the best answer without trying to say anything about her past. She trusted Clint well enough to tell him, after all he was the one that had got her here. But she couldn't say anything to anyone else. She had given away too much already. "I was never taught I guess. I mean, no one said sorry to me, ever. Not once. And I just never had a hug. Simple as that. Never needed one." Natasha could tell Steve was taken aback but he should know by now that she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

They continued with their meal relatively silent. Everyone kept glancing at Natasha and she could see the questions in their eyes. They didn't need to know the answers. Clint smiled at her a few times, and she returned it, glad for his company. She didn't know where she would be without him. Natasha had begun to learn a lot about the men around her. She didn't know why they had accepted her, but she was grateful for it. She needed something to show her that one day somewhere in the world, she could be cared for. She just needed to know if it was here and now.

**A/N: I will try and update sooner, I ran out of ideas for a few days. I'm sorry. So I need some inspiration. Or maybe a good ending to it? Not sure how to continue with it, I didn't plan to write past the torture, so it's a surprise that I made it this far and had enough ideas. But I feel this may need to end. I know. Tragic. So if you have any ideas, just anything please tell me, it doesn't matter how weird they sound or whatever, I need the help and I would really appreciate it. And thank you so much again for the support. You guys are amazing. So yeah please help me!**


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